3354 Bar Jokes In Our Database
200 Bar Jokes
This is page 1 of 20 pages displaying a total of 200 Bar jokes.
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A man walks into a bar - bar joke A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender asks for their order. The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have a beer too" says the ostrich. The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pays bartender with the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man says "I'll have a beer," and the ostrich says "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This became a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the bartender."Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large Scotch" says the man. "Same for me" says the ostrich. "That will be $7.20" says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar. The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?" "Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found this old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever needed to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money will be there." "That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!" "That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk, or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man. "That's fantastic!" says the bartender. "You are a genius! ... Oh, one other thing sir, what's with the ostrich?" The man replies, "Oh, my second wish was for a chick with long legs." |
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A Snail crawls up to the bar- Bar joke This snail crawl's up to this bar as it was about to close. The snail pounds and pounds on the door of the bar until the bar tender finally opens the door. Bar tender looks around and sees nothing until the snail demanded a beer. The bar tender looked down and sees him but replies, "Hey, we're closed now and besides we don't serve snails!" and then proceeds to slam the door. The snail again pounds on the door of the bar until the bar tender got so frustrated that he opened the door again and kicks the snail away. A year later as the bartender was about to close the bar again, he hears a pounding on the door again. Bartender opens the door and looks down to see the same snail again. The snail looked up and says to the bartender,... "What'd you do that for?" |
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Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar- bar Joke Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, 'I think I've lost an electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first says, 'Yes, I'm positive.' |
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Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar- Bar Joke Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, a tub of cottage chesse, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here." One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, "Why not? We're both cultured individuals." |
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A young Texan walks into a bar- Bar Joke A young Texan walks into a bar and orders a drink from the bartender. "Got any ID?" asks the bartender. The Texan replies, "About what?" |
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A brain goes into a bar- Bar Joke A brain goes into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a beer, please." The bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve you. You're out of your head." |
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A guy walks into a bar - bar joke A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady and a dog. The man asks, "Does your dog bite?" The lady answers, "Never!" The man reaches out to pet the dog, and the dog bites his hand. The man says, "Hey, I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" The woman replies, "He doesn't. That's not my dog." |
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A guy walks into a bar - bar joke A guy walks into a bar and there's horse behind the bar serving drinks. The guy is just staring at the horse, when the horse says, "What are you staring at? Haven't you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?" The guy says, "Honestly, no. I never thought the parrot would sell the place." |
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A guy walks into a bar - bar joke A guy walks into a bar in Cork, in Ireland, and asks the barman: "What's the quickest way to get to Dublin?" "Are you walking or driving?" asks the barman. "Driving," says a man. "That's the quickest way," says the barman. |
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A man walks into a bar - bar joke A man walks into a bar looking sad, and the bartender asks him, "What's the matter?" The man says, "My wife and I had a fight, and she told me she wasn't going to speak to me for a month. The bartender says, " yeah thats pretty bad" The man replies," I know, The month is up today." |
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