Bar Jokes from

3354 Bar Jokes In Our Database

499 Bad Pick up Lines Jokes

Choose a joke category:
Show jokes per page

This is page 1 of 50 pages displaying a total of 499 Bad Pick up Lines jokes.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 | 10-19 20-29 30-39 40-49  NEXT >>

Really bad pick up lines 1
I'm not trying to pressure you. I don't want to have sex without mutual consent; oh and by the way, you have my consent.

I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start.

I'm ugly, you're beautiful, lets make average children.

Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?

Is you father a lumberjack [No, why?] Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants.

Baby your butts like a beer keg, I'd like to tap that ass

Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams. OR: I want to call your mother and thank her.

Can i see something (look at tag on back of collar) Just as I thought "made in heaven."

Do you have any Irish in you? (if no…) Would you like some? (if yes…) Want some more?

Do you have rubbers at your house or should I pull out?

Do you have the time? [Gives the time] No, the time to write down my number?

Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job? [No!] Do you want to do lunch?

As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No. Damn!

Excuse me, do you believe in one night stands?

Excuse me, do you think you might possibly have a mutual friend who could introduce us.

Are you busy tonight at 3:00 A.M.?

Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!

You see my friend over there? [Point to friend who sheepishly waves from afar] He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute

      -- Josh henrikson
Really bad pick up lines 2
You're so hot you would make the devil sweat.

You're ugly but you intrigue me.

You're body must be Visa, 'cause it's everywhere I want to be!

As she's leaving....Hey aren't you forgetting something? She: What? Me!

I like every muscle in your body, especially mine.

I lost my puppy... can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap hotel room.

Excuse me, I am about to go home to masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.

Excuse me, I'm looking for a you want to be my friend?

For a fat chick, you sure have small tits. Gee, for a fat girl you sure don’t sweat much.

Go up to a girl, ask her: "Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" She says

no. Then wink.

Grab a girls shirt tag and read it out loud to her saying "100% angel damn didnt know they made'em like you anymore?" (you can replace angel with fine or hott etc... be creative)

      -- Dennis grendo
Really bad pick up lines 3
Have you heard the latest piece of medical knowledge saying that Sex is a real killer? Do you want to die happy?

Hey babe, how about a pizza and a fuck? (after she slaps you or leaves) HEY! What's wrong, don't you like pizza?

Hey , I'm the cable guy, my only policy is that if I hook your cable up, you have to hook mine up!

Do you think that I should wear boxers or Y-fronts at your house tonight??

Do you want to dance? [No] Why are you being picky, I'm not.

"Do you wanna play army?" (How do you play?) "I lay down and you blow the hell out of me"

Don't you work at UPS,(no, why?)Because you have been staring at my package all night.

      -- kerry davidson
super bad pick up lines
Are my undies showing? ["No."] "Would you like them to?"

Hey...nice shoes wanna fuck??

As they're leaving "Hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave."

(At a Sorority or Fraternity party.)Say, "So which fraternity/sorority are you in?" After they answer say "well I'm not really into letters but I am into numbers. Speaking of numbers, whats yours?"

Congratulations! You've been voted "Most Beautiful Girl In This Room" and the grand prize is a night with me!

Hi there! Do you want to see something really swell?

Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.

Hi, I've been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think it's time to see if I'm right.

Hi, I'm a fashion photographer. Would you like to be in my next photo shoot?

Hi, my name is {name}, how do you like me so far?

Hi, my name's Dan. You might want to remember it now, because you'll be screaming it later!

      -- Vivian
Bad, bad pick up lines
Hi. You'll do.

Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "Cause they're mine sweetheart."

How do you like your eggs cooked? [Why?] Well I just wanted know what to make for you in the morning!

I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.

I had sex with someone last night. Was that you?

"I had to go to the police station the other day", (wait for her to ask why) and then flex and say "to register these guns."

I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?

I Have Got The F The C And The K All I Need Is U !

I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away!

I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are!!

I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been drinking?

      -- Tony desparto
One liner pick up lines

Is your father a farmer? Because you sure do have some nice melons.

Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk.

Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?

Do you sleep on your stomach? (After they answer) you ask them "Can I".

I seemed to have lost my way, would you mind taking me with you.

Damn, I thought "very-fine" only came in a bottle!

      -- larry merster
Bad bar pick up lines
Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven?!

Did you know that there are 265 bones inside of your body? {Wait for answer} "Yeah, and I could show you how to get one more?"

Didn't I used to always pull on your ponytail in grammar school?

Do you believe in helping the homeless? [If yes] Take me home with you.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.

Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) 'Cause I could see myself in your pants.

At the Laundromat, "How much bleach should I put in with my good suit?"

I think I'm just the person to fulfill your inner needs.

I think you've got something in your eye. Oh nevermind, it's just a sparkle.

If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?

      -- sherry vincent
Pick up lines

If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.

I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?

Is your dress velvet? . . . Would you like it felt?

I've been slightly depressed ever since my vasectomy.

I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.

I've just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.

Let's have breakfast together tomorrow; shall I call you or nudge you?

You are the only reason why I came in here alone.

You know how some men buy really expensive cars to make up for certain, well, shortages? Well, I don't even own a car.

You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other women really bad.

My magical watch says you aren't wearing any panties. Oh, you are? It must be an hour fast!

      -- Fred carlo
Never work pick up lines
My name's [your name]. That's so you know what to scream.

Oh my sweet darling! For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been brought to me.

Overheard in our computer lab: Just because your computers are incompatible, doesn't mean we are.

Take a screw with you and put it in your pocket. Then, when a girl comes up to you, offer her the screw and say, "Wanna screw?"

That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too.

The only thing I want between our relationship is latex.

The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.

Those jeans look great on you. Of course, they'd look even better wadded up on my floor.

Use index finger to call someone over then say, "I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand."

      -- Lonely guy
never ever work bar pick up lines
Wait until the end of the evening when everything is real hazy and alcohol soaked, walk up to someone you've never met and say, "Come on, we're leaving." (The key is to act like you know them.)

Was you father an alien? Because there's nothing else like you on earth!

Were you just smiling at me from across the room, or do I have my contacts in wrong?

What do you sleep with at night? (answers may vary, why?) Oh, I just wanted to know what kinda competition I was up against.

I was going to tell you a joke that'll make your tits fall off. But it looks like somebody beat me to it.

I was just curious? Are you as good as all the guys say you are?

Excuse me M'am, you dropped a piece of ass, let me get that for you. (then grab her ass)

I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.

I'd like to floss my teeth on your G-string

If a women asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?" You should answer: "Yeah! Do you have the energy?"

      -- lonely guy

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 | 10-19 20-29 30-39 40-49  NEXT >>

[top of page]

Adult (131)
  - Bad Pick up Lines (499)
  - Sexes (59)
Animals (101)
Blonde (152)
  - Top Signs (286)
College (10)
Computers (103)
  - Microsoft (13)
Cultural (103)
  - Redneck (50)
  - Religious (304)
Food & Drink (14)
  - Bar (200)
Golf (29)
Marriage (77)
  - Children (61)
Political (110)
Quotes (59)
  - Essays (35)
  - Puns (21)
Seasonal (19)
  - Holiday (48)
True Stories (34)
Unsorted (518)
Work (37)
  - Doctor (60)
  - Engineer (8)
  - Lawyers (30)
Free Newsletter
Scott Young, President and Head Instructor Bar Smart Inc.