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103 Cultural Jokes


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This is page 1 of 11 pages displaying a total of 103 Cultural jokes.
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Van Gogh
Van Gogh



This seems like a good way to start a Monday.



After much careful research, it has been discovered that the artist

Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were:



His dizzy aunt...............Verti Gogh The brother who ate prunes............Gotta Gogh The constipated uncle..........Cant Gogh



The brother who worked at a convenience store.......Stopn Gogh



The grandfather from Yugoslavia....U Gogh



The brother who bleached his

clothes white..........Hue Gogh



The cousin from Illinois...........Chica Gogh



His magician uncle.........Wherediddy Gogh

His Mexican cousin..............Amee Gogh



The Mexican cousin's

American half brother..........Grin Gogh The ballroom dancing aunt.......Tan Gogh A sister who loved disco.........Go Gogh



The nephew who drove a stage coach ...

..Wellsfar Gogh



The bird lover uncle.....Flamin Gogh His nephew psychoanalyst.......E Gogh



The fruit loving cousin ...MannnGogh



An aunt who taught positive

thinking................Wayto Gogh



The little bouncy

nephew...................Poe Gogh

And his niece who travels

the country in a van....Winnie BayGogh

I Am Canadian
SO, WHAT DO CANADIANS HAVE TO BE PROUD OF?













1. Smarties



2. Crispy Crunch, Coffee Crisp



3. The size of our footballs fields and one less down



4. Baseball is Canadian



5. Lacrosse is Canadian



6. Hockey is Canadian



7. Basketball is Canadian



8. Apple pie is Canadian



9. Mr. Dress-up kicks Mr. Rogers ass



10. Tim Hortons kicks Dunkin' Donuts ass



11. In the war of 1812, started by America, Canadians pushed

the Americans back...past their 'White House'. Then we burned it...and most of Washington, under the command of William Lyon McKenzie who was insane and hammered all the time. We got bored because they ran away, so we came home and partied...Go figure..



12. Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to

Germany.



13. We have the largest English population that never ever surrendered or withdrew during any war to anyone, anywhere.



14. Our civil war was a bar fight that lasted a little over an hour.



15. The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American

mercenary, who slept in and missed the whole thing... but showed up just in time to get caught.



16. We knew plaid was cool far before Seattle caught on.



17. The Hudsons Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earth's surface and is still around as the worlds oldest company.



18. The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in under 3 minutes.



19. We still know what to do with all the parts of a buffalo.



20. We don't marry our kin-folk.



21. We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro, zippers, insulin, penicillin, zambonis, the telephone and short wave radios that save countless lives each year.



22. We ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell about it.



23. A Canadian invented Superman.

BUT MOST IMPORTANT!



24. The handles on our beer cases are big enough to fit your hands with mitts on. OOOoohhhhh Canada!!



Oh yeah... and our elections only take one day.
A Chinese Couple Named Wong Had A New Baby

A Chinese couple named Wong had a new baby. The nurse brings them over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, definitely Caucasian white baby boy!
"Congratulations," says the nurse to the new parents. "What will you name the baby?" The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says.........."Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will name him Sum Ting Wong.

      -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net)
A Jewish Family Is Putting Grandfather In A Home.

A Jewish family is considering putting their grandfather in a nursing home.
All the Jewish facilities are completely full so they have to put him in a Catholic home. After a few weeks in the Catholic facility they come to visit grandpa.
"How do you like it here?" asks the grandson.
"It's wonderful. Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," says grandpa.
"We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you."
"Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents here," grandpa says with a big smile.
"There's a musician here-he's 85 years old.
He hasn't played the violin in 20 years, and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'!
And there's a physician here -- 90 years old.
He hasn't been practicing medicine for 25 years and everyone still call him 'Doctor'!
And me, I haven't had sex for 30 years and they still call me 'the Fucking Jew'

      -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net)
A Jewish Father Was Concerned About His Son

A Jewish father was concerned about his son who was about a year away from his Bar Mitzvah but was sorely lacking in his knowledge of the Jewish faith.
To remedy this he sent his son to Israel to experience his heritage. A year later the young man returned home. "Father, thank you for sending me to the land of our Fathers, " the son said. "It was wonderful and enlightening, however, I must confess that while in Israel I converted to Christianity." "Oi vey," replied the father, "what have I done?"
So in the tradition of the patriarchs he went to his best friend and sought his advice and solace. "It is amazing that you should come to me," stated his friend, "I too sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian."
So in the traditions of the Patriarchs they went to the Rabbi. "It is
amazing that you should come to me," stated the Rabbi, "I too sent my
son to Israel and he returned a Christian. What is happening to our sons?" Brothers, we must take this to God," said the Rabbi. They fell to their knees and began to wail and pour out their hearts to the Almighty.
As they prayed the clouds above opened and a mighty voice stated, "Amazing that you should come to Me. I, too, sent My Son to Israel."

      -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net)
A Jewish Man Moved Into A Strict Catholic Neighborhood

A Jewish man moved into a strict Catholic neighborhood. Every Friday, the Catholics practically went crazy. While they were eating fish, the Jew was in his backyard barbecuing steaks. So, the Catholics finally decided to try and convert the Jew to Christianity.
Finally, by long endurance, the Catholics succeeded. They took the Jew to a priest who sprinkled holy water on him and said, "Born a Jew, raised a Jew, now a Catholic."
The Catholics were ecstatic. No more delicious, but maddening smells every Friday evening! But the following Friday, the scent of barbecued steak wafted through the neighborhood. The Catholics all rushed to the Jew's house to remind him of his new diet. They found him standing over the sizzling steak, knife in one hand, his other hand dipped in a glass of water. He sprinkled water over the meat, saying, "Born a cow, raised a cow, now a fish!"

      -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net)
A Passerby Watched Two Irishmen In A Park.

A passerby watched two Irishmen in a park.
One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again.
"Tell me," said the passerby, "What on earth are you doing?"
"Well," said the digger,"Usually there are three of us.
I dig, Paddy plants the tree and Mick fills in the hole.
Today Paddy is off ill, but that doesn't mean Mick and I get the day off, does it?"

      -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net)
A Polish Couple Adopt

A Polish couple were delighted when their long wait to adopt a
baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them
that they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took
him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the
local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired,
"What ever possessed you to study Russian?"
The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby,
and in a year or so he'll start to talk.
We just want to be able to understand him."

      -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net)
A Young Gay Man Calls Home And Tells His Jewish Mother

A young gay man calls home and tells his Jewish mother
that he has decided to go back into the closet because he has met a
wonderful girl and they are going to be married. He tells his mother
that he is sure he will be happier since he knows that his gay lifestyle
has been very disturbing to her.
She responds that she is indeed delighted and asks
tentatively, “I suppose it would be too much to hope that she would be
Jewish?”
He tells her that not only is the girl Jewish but from a
wealthy Beverly Hills family. She admits she is overwhelmed by the
news ,and asks, “What is her name?”
He answers, “Monica Lewinsky”.
There is a pause, then his mother asks, “What happened to
that nice black boy you were dating last year?”

      -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net)
A Young Jewish Couple

A young Jewish couple had only recently set up housekeeping when an


unfortunate incident occurred.





Early one morning, the wife, drowsy from bed, went to the toilet for the


morning's relief, and neglected to notice that the seat was up.





When she sat, she kept going!





She was just the right size and shape so that she became jammed into the


toilet past her waist with her legs sticking straight up in front of


her.





She cried for her husband, who rushed in, and for the next hour tried


desperately to extricate her.





In this process they removed her sleeping gown, but this only left her


naked and still stuck, with a particular part of her anatomy prominently


visible between her splayed legs.





Finally, the couple resolved to call a plumber, despite the embarrassing


nature of their problem.





When the plumber arrived, the young man let him in, but as they were


walking to the bathroom, the young man realized that his wife was


exposed in a very compromising and humiliating way.





Thinking fast, he ran ahead of the plumber and placed the first thing he


could think of, his yarmulke skull cap, over his wife's exposed


privates.





The plumber walked into the bathroom, took one long look, and commented:


"Well, I think I can save your wife, buddy, but the Rabbi's a goner."

      -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net)

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