4931 Famous Quotes In Our Database
205 Thoughts Quotes
This is page 8 of 14 pages displaying a total of 205 Thoughts quotes.
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He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
-- H. H. Munro |
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The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal.
-- H. L. Mencken |
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Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.
-- H. L. Mencken |
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The guy who takes you out would be the ideal candidate for The Prevention of Cruelty Towards Animals Society.
-- HIS aLoKness |
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Boy, when you are dead, they really fix you up. I hope to hell when I do die somebody has sense enough to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddam cemetery. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you are dead? Nobody.
-- J. D. Salinger |
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Once I saw my parents argue because we didn't have a lot of money anymore. So, I did what I had to do. I got my piggy bank and I went out to the backyard and buried it
-- Jack Handey |
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Don't ever get your speedometer confused with your clock, like I did once, because the faster you go the later you think you are.
-- Jack Handey |
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When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.
-- Jack Handey |
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I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"
-- Jack Handey |
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If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
-- Jack Handey |
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Somebody told me how frightening it was how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.
-- Jack Handey |
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If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
-- Jack Handey |
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To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.
-- Jack Handey |
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Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.
-- Jack Handey |
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Isn't it horrible that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wolves?
-- Jack Handey |
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