3261 Bar Jokes In Our Database
150 Blonde Jokes
This is page 1 of 15 pages displaying a total of 150 Blonde jokes.
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2 Bonde Women 2 blonde women were talking on da phone.. Linda(blonde #1): my husban don't come home till round 3 in der morning, y don't yer husban do that?? Sally(blonde #2): oo i simply say "is dat u John?" Linda: How does that help?? Sally: well yer see... my husban's name is David -- megan |
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A Bartender Is Sitting Behind The Bar On A Typical Day A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days." Finally, the tenth and final blonde arrives with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets a picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jump the others and they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives while chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days." The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?" The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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A Beautiful Young Blonde A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to New York with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks into the forward cabin at the first-class seats. Since the first-class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach. The blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to New York." Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach. Again, the blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to New York." The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde problem with the copilot. The copilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something in the blonde's ear. She immediately gets up, says "Thank you so much," hugs the copilot and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the copilot what he had said to the woman. He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to New York." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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A Blond Went Out To Her Mail Box A blonde went out to her mail box, looked in, closed the door, and went back in the house. A few minutes later she went out and looked in the mail box again. She did this several times and her neighbor that was watching her said, “You must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep looking into your mail box.”The blond answered,“No, I’m working on my computer and it keeps telling me that I have mail.” -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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A Blonde And A Brunette - 6 O'clock News A blond and a brunette were watching the 6 o'clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, "I bet you $50.00 the man is going to jump." The blond replies, "Okay, you're on." Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blond gives the brunette the $50.00. The brunette says, "Here, I can't take this money. I watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then." "No, you have to take it," says the blond. "I watched the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it aga -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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A Blonde And A Brunette Are Running A Ranch A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd. The brunette takes their life savings of $600 dollars and goes to Texas to buy a bull. She eventually meets with an old cowboy that will sell her a bull. "It's the only one I got for $599, take it or leave it." She buys the bull and goes to the local telegram office and says, "I'd like to send a telegram to my friend in Louisiana that says: Have found the stud bull for our ranch, bring the trailer." The man behind the counter tells her, "Telegrams to anywhere in the U.S. are $.75 per word." She thinks about it for a moment and decides. "I'd like to send one word, please." "And what word would that be?" inquires the man. "Comfortable." replies the brunette. The man asks, "I'm sorry miss, but how is your friend gonna understand this telegram?" The brunette replies, "My friend is blonde and reads REAL slow, when she gets this, she will see COM-FOR-DA-BULL." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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A Blonde And A Lawyer Are Seated Next To Each Other On A Flight A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa. "Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. Okay says the lawyer, your turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00,and goes back to sleep. And you thought blondes were dumb. -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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A Blonde Decides To Try Horseback Riding A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but can not seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up the frail blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune ..... Bobby, the Walmart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse. -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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A Blonde Dials 911 A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!" she cries. The 911 dispatcher says, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way. He will be there in two minutes." Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 911 dispatcher's telephone rings a second time, and the same blonde is on the line again: "Never mind," giggles the blonde, "I got in the back seat by mistake." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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A Blonde Found Out Her Mom Had Just Died A blonde girl goes to work one day crying because she found out her mom had just died. Her boss asks her "What's wrong? Why are you crying?" She replies"I just found out that my mom passed away." The Boss decides to let her have the day off, but she insists on working so that she can keep her mind off her mom. A few hours later her boss decides to check on her and he goes in to her office and see's her crying hysterically. He asks again "Why are you crying?" she says, "My sister called saying that her mom died too." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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