3261 Bar Jokes In Our Database
150 Blonde Jokes
This is page 11 of 15 pages displaying a total of 150 Blonde jokes.
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T.g.i.f. A blonde steps into an elevator, smiles at the man already on, and says," T-G-I-F." The man smiles and says," S-H-I-T." The blonde smiles back and replies," T-G-I-F." The man again smiles and says," S-H-I-T." The blonde looks confused. She answers the man, and says, "Thank goodness its Friday." The man smiles and replies, "Sorry honey, its Thursday." -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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The Mirror A brunette, redhead and blonde went to a fitness spa for some fun and relaxation. After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said, "Welcome to the ladies room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded with a wish. But, be warned, for if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!" The three women quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, the brunette said, "I think I'm the most beautiful of us three" and in an instant she was surrounded by a pile of money. The redhead stepped up and said "I think I'm the most talented of us three" and she suddenly found the keys to a brand new Lexus in her hands. Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, the blonde looked into the mirror and said, "I think..." and was promptly sucked into the mirror. -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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The Pizza Parlor A blonde went into a pizza parlor. When she said that she'd like a medium pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces she'd like to have it cut into: six or twelve. Oh, goodness, six please, said the blonde. I don't think I could ever eat twelve. -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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The Puzzle A blonde buys a puzzle and takes it home. After an hour she has none of it together. She gets frustrated and calls her boyfriend. She says " I just bought this puzzle, but i can'tfind any of the edges and none of the pieces fit together" He asks her what is the picture supposed to be. She says " a rooster" He says " I'll be over in a minute to help you" When he gets there he says " damn honey! put all those cornflakes back in the box!" -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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Blondes On The Trail Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blond said "These look like deer tracks," and the other one said, "No, they look like moose tracks!" They argued for quite a while, in fact, they were still arguing when the train hit them. -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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The Blondes New Car A Blonde bought a brand new Car and decided to drive down from some place far off to meet her friend. She reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, she decided to return, and called up her mother to expect her in the evening, but she didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. When she finally reached home on the third day, her distraught mother ran to her and asked her "What Happened" She got out of the car, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "These car designers ,these people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!" -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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The Blonde Decorator This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said.... FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS. -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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Sunburn To prepare for his big date, the young man went on top of the roof of his apartment building in order to get a little color for himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude. Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof, and managed to get sunburned on his "tool of trade". Being very determined the young man decided not to miss his date because it was with a hot blonde. So, he decided to put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze, feeling this should resolve his painful situation. The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home-cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie. During the movie, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up. After several minutes of extreme discomfort he asked to be excused, went to the kitchen, and poured a tall, cold glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain. The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his johnson immersed in a glass of milk. Baffled the blonde exclaimed, "So, THAT'S how you load those things!" -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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Perfume Two blondes walk up to a perfume counter. The first one picks up a sample bottle, sprays it on her wrist, smells it, and says, "That's nice, don't you think, Tracy?" Tracy says, "Yeah. What's it called, Sharon?" Sharon says, "Viens a moi." Tracy says, "Viens a moi? What's that mean?" The store clerk says, "Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'Come to me.'" Sharon takes another sniff and says, "That doesn't smell like come to me. Does it smell like come to you?" -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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The Swimming Race There was a race between a brunette, a redhead and a blond to swim from the mainland to Vancouver Island, doing only the breaststroke. After about 14 hours the brunette staggered up on shore and was declared the winner. About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up to the finish line in second. Nearly four hours after that, the blond finally came ashore and promptly collasped in front of the worried onlookers. When the reporter asked why it took her considerably longer to finish the race, she replies, "I don't like to sound like a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms!" -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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