3354 Bar Jokes In Our Database
152 Blonde Jokes
This is page 12 of 16 pages displaying a total of 152 Blonde jokes.
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Perfume Two blondes walk up to a perfume counter. The first one picks up a sample bottle, sprays it on her wrist, smells it, and says, "That's nice, don't you think, Tracy?" Tracy says, "Yeah. What's it called, Sharon?" Sharon says, "Viens a moi." Tracy says, "Viens a moi? What's that mean?" The store clerk says, "Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'Come to me.'" Sharon takes another sniff and says, "That doesn't smell like come to me. Does it smell like come to you?" -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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The Swimming Race There was a race between a brunette, a redhead and a blond to swim from the mainland to Vancouver Island, doing only the breaststroke. After about 14 hours the brunette staggered up on shore and was declared the winner. About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up to the finish line in second. Nearly four hours after that, the blond finally came ashore and promptly collasped in front of the worried onlookers. When the reporter asked why it took her considerably longer to finish the race, she replies, "I don't like to sound like a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms!" -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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Adult Video Rental A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and after looking around for a while selects a title that sounds very stimulating. She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen. She got so mad and called the video store to complain. Blonde: "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape, but static." Store Clerk: "Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?" Blonde: "It's called, Head Cleaner." -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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Birthday Card The popular blonde cheerleader bounced into the local card shop, looked around, then approached the clerk. "Do you have any, like, real special birthday cards?" she asked. "Yes, we do," he replied. "As a matter of fact, here's a new one. It's inscribed, "To the Boy Who Got My Cherry." "Wow, neat!" she squealed. "I'll take the whole box." -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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Blonde Secretary Several weeks ago we hired a blond who wasn't the brightest crayon in the box. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," she told her. With that, the blond took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies. -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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Bottom Deoderant A blonde walks into the Friendly Pharmacy and asks a clerk for some bottom deodorant. Oscar, the friendly pharmacist overhears and is a little bemused. "We don't sell bottom deodorant. I've never even heard of it." Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. "I'm sorry, we don't have any. We just have underarm deodorants." "But I always get it here," says the blonde. "Do you have the container it comes in?" "Yes!" said the blonde, "I will go and get it." About an hour later, she returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist. "Lady, this is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant!" Annoyed, the blonde snatches the deodorant back and reads out loud from the package, "To apply, push up bottom...well?" -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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Sailor & The Blonde A Sailor met a good looking blonde at the bar and was trying to get laid without much success. "I don't date servicemen," she said, "but I am curious as to why you sailors have those two rows of buttons on your pants." "Why, that's because we have two dicks," the sailor replied. "Interesting, probably twice as much fun," replied the blonde, "let's go to my place and try them out." So they did, and after the first screwing the blonde says "Boy that was sure nice, now that I'm rested and still horny, I want the other one." Whereupon the sailor undid the other side of buttons, pulled out a limp, weary dick, looked at it and sadly declared - "Well, I'll be damned! He's pouting because he wasn't FIRST!" -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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Three Blonde Fishermen Three blonde fishermen are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, I'd like to see your fishing licenses." "We don't have any," replied the first fisherman. "Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses," said the Game Warden. "But officer," replied the second fisherman, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river." The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left. As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three fishermen started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the fisherman, said to the other two. "Doesn't he know that there are Steelhead trout in this river?!" -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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Green Side Up One day a woman decided to have all the rooms in her house painted, so she called a painter to come over and give her an estimate on how much it would cost. The painter arrived, and the woman brought him into the dining room. "What color would you like this room painted?" he asked. "Green," the woman replied. The painter nodded and wrote something down on his notepad. Then he went over to the nearest open window and yelled out, "Green side up!" The woman thought this was odd but continued on to the kitchen. "What color would you like this room painted?" he asked. "Yellow," the woman replied. Again, the man nodded, wrote something down on his notepad, and went over to the nearest open window. "Green side up!" he yelled. The woman was puzzled, but figured that he was a professional, so she shouldn't question him. The whole tour continued like this; the woman becoming more & more suspicious each room they went through that the painter leaned out the open window and yelled, "Green side up!" Finally they were finished and the woman couldn't stand it any longer. She asked the painter, " Why did you yell 'Green side up' out the window every time I told you what color I wanted the rooms painted? I don't want every room painted green!" The painter laughed. "I know. I wrote down the colors you wanted your rooms to be painted. But I had to keep yelling 'Green side up' out the windows because I have a crew of blondes across the street laying sod." -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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I Knew She Was A True Blonde Because..... * she sent me a fax with a stamp on it. * she thought a quarterback was a refund. * she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. * she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center. * she thought General Motors was in the army. * she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. * under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics." * she tried to drown a fish. * she tripped over a cordless phone. * she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said concentrate. * she got stabbed in a shoot-out. * she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK". * they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade. * at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put Sagittarius. * she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store. * it took her two hours to watch "60 Minutes". * she studied for a blood test-and failed. * she thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train." * she sold the car for gas money! * when she saw the "NC-17 under 17 not admitted", she went home and got 16 friends. * when she heard 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. * she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company. * when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead. * when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home. * she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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