3354 Bar Jokes In Our Database
152 Blonde Jokes
This is page 13 of 16 pages displaying a total of 152 Blonde jokes.
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Thermos A blond woman walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object, she asks, "What is that?" The store clerk responds, "It's a thermos." The blond then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." So, she buys one. The next day, she brings it to work with her. Her boss, also a blond, asks, "What is that shiny object?" She replies "It's a thermos." He asks, "What does it do?" She says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." He then asks, "What do you have in there?" "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle." -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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The Cell Phone A young man bought his blond wife a cell phone for their first wedding anniversary. She was thrilled. The next day at the mall, her phone rang. "Hi Honey. How do you like your new phone?" he asked. "I love it," she replied, "But there's just one thing I don't understand." "What's that, Baby?" "How in the heck did you know I was at Wallmart?" she asked. -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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Blonde At The Dude Ranch A blonde went to a "Dude Ranch" on vacation. The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle. The blonde asked what the difference was. "Well, one has a horn and the other doesn't." "Just get the one without the horn. I don't think we'll run into too much traffic out here." -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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Blonde Selling A Car A blonde was trying to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had almost 230,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I can only sell the car." "Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will 'fix it'. Then you shouldn't have a problem anymore trying to sell your car." The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied the blonde, "Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!" -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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Blonde In The Coffee Shop A blonde grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop. She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order. "Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" the blonde asked. The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me." "Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief. "Then give me two regular, two black, and two decaf." -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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New Blonde Bride A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him." "Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding." "No, mother," the young woman laments. "I bought a frozen turkey loaf and he yelled at me about the price." "Well, that is being miserly," the mother agreed, "Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars." "No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey roll, it was the airplane ticket." "Airplane ticket.... What did you need an airplane ticket for?" "Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the back and it said, 'Prepare from a frozen state,' so I flew to Alaska." -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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The Blonde Painter A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari." -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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The Blonde In The Library A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!" "Yes, Ma'am?" "I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!" "What was wrong with it?" "It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!" The librarian nodded and said, "Ahh. So you must be the person who took our phone book." -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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A Blonde Buys A Bmw A woman always wanted an expensive car; a status symbol to drive around and flaunt. She scrimps and saves, goes to the BMW dealer, and plops down many dollars for a brand new state-of-the-art, computer enhanced, kick-butt, dream mobile. She's driving off and decides she wants some music and searches for the radio. The dashboard looks like a control panel at NASA. She fiddles with this button, that gizmo... jiggles these and those, but finally gives up. Can't find the blasted thing. Furious, she races back to the dealership and screams at the salesman. She tells him they forgot to install the radio. He assures her it's right there in front of her. It's hooked into the onboard computer and voice- activated. All she has to do is tell it what she wants to hear. He demonstrates: "Classical," he says. "click" The car fills with the sounds of Paganini. "Blues," he says, and "click" a B.B. King classic plays. She drives off, amazed. "Country," she says, and "click" a Garth Brooks tune comes on. "New Age" and "click" Yanni at the Acropolis snaps on. She's so captivated by this new toy that she isn't paying much attention to the road. Another driver runs a light and cuts her off. "Low-life, arrogant, self-centered scum!!!" she screams. "click" "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States." -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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Down To The River A blonde was staring dumfounded at a rushing river blocking her path. As she wondered how to cross, she saw another blonde on the other side. She yelled "Hey, can you help me get to the other side?" The other blonde replied "You ARE on the other side!!!!" -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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