3354 Bar Jokes In Our Database
152 Blonde Jokes
This is page 15 of 16 pages displaying a total of 152 Blonde jokes.
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Trees A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. "Are you OK ma'am?" "Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ..." "Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth." -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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Burgled Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!" -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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The Blonde Stewardess An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here, "she cried," one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says "Do Not Disturb"!! -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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Did You Hear About The Blonde That. . . Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight. Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope. Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the typewriter. Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2 to 4 years. Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out. Couldn't call 911 because there is no 11 on any phone button. When asked what the capital of California was; answered 'C.' What goes 'vroom-screech-vroom-screech-etc? A blonde at a flashing red light. Two blondes are trying to get into their car using a coat hanger when one says 'hurry, it's starting to rain and the top is down.' Burnt her nose bobbing for French-fries. You shouldn't let blondes take coffee breaks; it takes too long to retrain them. She baked a turkey for 3 1/2 days because the instructions said 1/2 hour per pound and she weighed 125. Can't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets. Hates M&M's because they are so hard to peel. Got hurt while raking leaves -- fell out of the tree. Changes the babies diaper only once a month because the label said 'good for up to 20 pounds'. After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms. -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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A Blonde And Her Boat - A True Story Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, a blonde (of course!!), new to boating was having problems. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22ft Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order. The engine ran, the out drive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath only to come up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. REMEMBER THIS IS TRUE. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer. -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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Blonde Wife After a big fight with his blonde wife, a man walks into his bedroom to find her sitting on the bed holding a gun to her own head. At the sight of this, the man begins laughing. "What are you laughing about?" she says, "You're next!" -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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Blonde In First Class On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to economy since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving." Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving." The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what should he do. The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this." He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?" Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat. He said, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York." -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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Blonde In Hospital When the surgeon came to see his blonde patient on the day after her operation, she asked him somewhat hesitantly just how long it would be before she could resume her sex life. "Uh, I hadn't really thought about it" replied the stunned surgeon. "You're the first one ever to ask that after a tonsillectomy." -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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Blonde Exposed The blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware I could cite you for indecent exposure?" She says, "Why, officer?" "Because your breast is exposed." "Oh. my God", says the blond. "I left the baby on the bus!" -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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Blonde Leapers A police officer arrives at an accident scene where apparently three blondes have leaped to their death from a very tall building. He suddenly notices that one is still breathing so he approaches her and asks, "Why did you three beautiful girls leap out of that building?" The blond answers in a very weak voice, "We wanted to try out our new maxi-pads, with wings..." -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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