3261 Bar Jokes In Our Database

518 Unsorted Jokes


Choose a joke category:
Show jokes per page

This is page 19 of 52 pages displaying a total of 518 Unsorted jokes.
<< PREVIOUS   14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 | 10-19 20-29 30-39 40-49 50-52  NEXT >>

An Oregonian, A Californian And A Texan Were Out Camping.
An Oregonian, a Californian and a Texan were out camping. They were

lazing

around a campfire when the Texan pulled out a bottle of tequila and

after

taking a couple of swallows, threw the bottle up in the air, pulled out

his

six shooter and neatly shot the bottle. The Californian noted that

there

was still some tequila left in the bottle, but the Texan replied,

"That's

okay, we have plenty of tequila where I come from." The Californian

promptly brought out his bottle of White Zinfandel, took two swallows,

threw it up in the air and shot it with a 9mm semiautomatic pistol with

a

15-shot clip. He stated: "It's okay, we have plenty of wine where I

come

from."



The Oregonian took all this in and finally opened a bottle of

hand-crafted

english-style pub bitters from a Portland microbrewery. He downed the

entire bottle, threw it up in the air, shot the Californian with a

12-gauge

shotgun and deftly caught the bottle.



The Texan's jaw dropped nearly to his silver belt buckle and his eyes

widened nearly as wide. The Oregonian, momentarily puzzled at the

reaction, finally piped up: "It's okay, we have plenty of Californians

where I come from, and I can get a nickel for the bottle."


      -- Jim Rosenbaum's Humor Page (http://www.jimrosenbaum.com/humor/)
Extended Job Code List
**********************************************************



MEMO FROM: From payroll accounting....

____________________________________________________



It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning

in timecards that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive

Time" (code 5309). To our department, unproductive time isn't a problem.



What is a problem, however, is not knowing exactly what you are doing

during your unproductive time. Attached below is a sheet specifying

a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of

employee activities. The list will allow you to specify with a fair

amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive

time. Please begin using this job code list immediately and

let us know about any difficulties you encounter.



Attached: Extended Job Code List



Code Explanation

---------- -----------

5316 Meeting

5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting

5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting

5319 Waiting for Break

5320 Waiting for Lunch

5321 Waiting for End of Day

5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker

5323 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker.

While Coworker is not Present

5393 Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend

5400 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is not interested

in Learning

5401 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid

5402 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You

5481 Buying Snack

5482 Eating Snack

5500 Filling Out Timesheet

5501 Inventing Timesheet Entries

5502 Waiting for Something to Happen

5503 Scratching Yourself

5504 Sleeping

5510 Feeling Bored

5511 Feeling Horny

5600 Bitching About Lousy Job

5601 Bitching About Low Pay

5602 Bitching About Long Hours

5603 Bitching About Coworker (see codes #5322, #5323)

5604 Bitching About Boss

5605 Bitching About Personal Problems

5640 Miscellaneous Unproductive Bitching

5701 Not Actually Present At Job

5702 Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu

6102 Ordering Out

6103 Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive

6104 Taking it Easy While Digesting Food

6200 Using Company Resources for Personal Profit

6201 Stealing Company Goods

6202 Making Excuses after Accidentally Destroying Company Goods

6203 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls

6204 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal

Calls in Order to Sell Stolen Company Goods

6206 Gossip

6207 Planning a Social Event (e.g., vacation, wedding...)

6210 Feeling Sorry For Yourself

6221 Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching

6222 Pretending to Enjoy Your Job

6223 Pretending You Like Coworker

6224 Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality They

are Jerks

6238 Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing

6350 Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl

6601 Running your own Business on Company Time (see code #6603)

6602 Complaining

6603 Writing a Book on Company Time

6611 Staring Into Space

6612 Staring At Computer Screen

6615 Transcendental Meditation

7281 Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes)

7400 Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone

7401 Talking With Plumber on Phone

7402 Talking With Dentist on Phone

7403 Talking With Doctor on Phone

7404 Talking With Masseuse on Phone

7405 Talking With House Painter on Phone

7406 Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone

7419 Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone

7425 Talking With Mistress/Boy-Toy on Phone

7931 Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity

8000 Recreational Drug Use


      -- Jim Rosenbaum's Humor Page (http://www.jimrosenbaum.com/humor/)
Idiot Test
21 Correct - Genius 8 Correct - Nincompoop 17

Correct - Above normal 6 Correct - Moron

15 Correct - Normal 3 Correct - Idiot



IDIOT TEST





1. Do they have a 4th of July in England?_______



2. How many birthdays does the average man have?______



3. Some months have 31 days; how many have 28?_______



4. A woman gives a beggar 50 cents; the woman is the beggar's

sister, but the beggar is not the woman's brother. How

come?_______



5. Why can't a man living in the USA be buried in Canada?_____ 6.

How many outs are there in an inning?________



7. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's

sister?_____Why?________



8. Two men play five games of checkers. Each man wins the same

number of games. There are not ties. Explain

this.____________



9. Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10; what is the answer?_______



10. A man builds a house rectangular in shape. All sides have a

southern exposure. A big bear walks by, what color is the

bear?_________Why?____________________



11. If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you

have?_____



12. I have two US coins totaling 55 cents. One is not a nickel.

What are the coins?________________________



13. If you have only one match and you walked into a room where

there was an oil burner, a kerosene lamp and a wood-burning

stove, which one would you light first?___________



14. How far can a dog run into the woods?____________________



15. A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every

half hour. How long would the pills last?_________



16. A farmer has 17 sheep, and all but 9 die. How many are

left?_________________



17. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on to the

Ark?_____



18. A clerk in the butcher shop is 5'10" tall. What does he

weigh?_______



19. How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen?______



20. What was the President's name in 1950?__________



21. How many grooves are there on a standard LP record?_______


      -- Jim Rosenbaum's Humor Page (http://www.jimrosenbaum.com/humor/)
You're An Geek/nerd If...
You're an geek/nerd..........



1. If you introduce your wife/girlfriend as "mylady@home.wife" or husband/

boyfriend as "myguy@home.stud"



2. If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner



3. If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie



4. If you want an 8X CD-ROM for Christmas



5. If Dilbert is your hero



6. If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE



7. If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes



8. If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail



9. If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50



10. If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the

decimal point in the right place



11. If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids toys



12. If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car



13. If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than

hanging coats and taping ducts



14. If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to

find the burnt-out bulb in the string



15. If you window shop at Radio Shack or Fry's Electronics



16. If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest

sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies



17. If you have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area



18. If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test

that actually takes five minutes to run



19. If you are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage door

opener and your camera's flash attachment



20. If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is



21. If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven



22. If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush



23. If you own "Official Star Trek" anything



24. If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside



25. If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna

on the radio in your work area for better reception



26. If you thought the concoction ET used to phone home was stupid



27. If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project



28. If you are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear

reactor



29. If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts



30. If you have never backed-up your hard drive



31. If you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing

games, but are afraid to say it out loud



32. If you truly believe aliens are living among us



33. If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance



34. If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is"



35. If you see a good design and still have to change it



36. If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions



37. If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it



38. If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters

your mind



39. If you own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don't remember

where they are



40. If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile

tires



41. If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you

own turns bread into charcoal



42. If you have more toys than your kids



43. If you need a checklist to turn on the TV



44. If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name



45. If your wife thinks your taste in ties is bizarre



46. If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work



47. If your IQ number is bigger than your weight



48. If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush

up to the front to fix it



49. If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary



50. If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel

and have seen most of the shows already



51. If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN

stands for



52. If your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV

with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up

thinking that was normal



53. If you know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size

screw driver to use



54. If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting



55. If people groan at the party when you pick out the music



56. If you can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this

week



57. If people hound you for pocket protectors at Halloween time



58. If you did the sound system for your senior prom



59. If your checkbook always balances



60. If your girlfriend says the way you dress is no reflection on her



61. If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone



62. If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life



63. If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission

controllers



64. If you think your computer looks better without the cover



65. If you think that when people around you yawn, its because they didn't

get enough sleep



66. If your wife/husband hasn't the foggiest idea what you do at work



67. If you spend more on your home computer than your car



68. If you know what http:/ stands for



69. If you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio



70. If you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your

garage



71. If your favorite part of the 6 o clock news is comparing their latest

satellite weather picture with yours



72. If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to

explain atmospheric absorption theory



73. If your lap-top computer costs more than your car



74. If your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Coffee 2. Chocolate 3. Pretzels 4.

Jolt Cola


      -- Jim Rosenbaum's Humor Page (http://www.jimrosenbaum.com/humor/)
The World According To Steven Wright:


I spilled spot remover on my dog. He's gone now.



I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add.



It doesn't matter what temperature the room is; it's always

room-temperature.



If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.



It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.



You can't have everything...where would you put it?



I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." So I ordered

French toast during the Renaissance.



Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've

forgotten this before.



I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.



I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was

locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours."

He said, "Yes, but not in a row."



I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they

can help me, and I say, "Have you got anything I'd like?" Then they ask me

what size I need, and I say, "Extra medium."



While I was gone, someone stole everything in my apartment and replaced it

with an exact replica. When I told my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?"



I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are

furious.



In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so

often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call

from a woman in Germany. She said, "Cut it out."



On the ceilings in my house, I have paintings of the rooms above so I never

have to go upstairs.



I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near

the place.



I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a

message and I'll call when I'm out."



I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, "Do you know

the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?" "Yes, officer, but I wasn't going to

be out that long."



One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you

see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read."



I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I

get pulled over, the cop looks at it [moving it nearer and farther, trying

to see it clearly], and says, "Here, you can go."



The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said, "Insanity, your honor. Who in

their right mind would park in the passing lane?"



When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking

spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.



Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone. When I came back the entire

area was missing.



I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like

I'm the only one moving.



I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.



I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's

going to be up all night.



When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I

said, "No, I made a few mistakes."



I got up one morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called Information.

"Hello, Information." I said, "I can't find my socks."

She said, "They're behind the couch."



I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to

sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.



When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an

only child . . . eventually.



Well, you know when you're rocking in a rocking chair, and you go so far

that you almost fall over backwards, but at the last instant you catch

yourself? That's how I feel all the time.



What's another word for Thesaurus?


      -- Jim Rosenbaum's Humor Page (http://www.jimrosenbaum.com/humor/)
Some Deep Thoughts By Jack Handey
Some Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey



If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go,



because, man, they're gone.



==========



If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them

down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason."



==========



To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when



you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a



hand?" You can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."



==========



The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the



face.



==========



Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo,



flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a



beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful



painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.



==========



I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our

children's children, because I don't think children should be having

sex.



==========



If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him



is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute



thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."



==========



If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror,



because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.



==========



Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first

instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant and she

fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.



==========



To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no



choreography and the dancers hit each other.



==========



I hope if dogs ever take over the world and they choose a king, they



don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with



some good ideas.



==========



If life deals you lemons, why not go kill someone with the lemons



(maybe by shoving them down his throat).



==========



Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just call them



"impressions," and if you got a different "impression," so what, can't



we all get along?



==========

Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of



striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.



==========

I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out



that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I



was thinking about doing that anyway.



==========



I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver.



And since he's so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real



quick and hand it to him.



==========



Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word



itself.



MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words "mank" and



"ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is



mankind.



==========



If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying



forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.



==========



It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I

guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there,

rocking back and forth, wanting that money.



==========



If you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a beer, I



bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.



==========



As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red



again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a



bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.



==========

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate.



And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never



expect it.



==========



I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in



my brain, because later you might think you're having a good idea but



it's just eggs hatching.



==========



Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in



the room talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books.



==========



What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing



and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get



drunk? And after you're real drunk, maybe go down to the public park



and stagger around and ask people for money, and then lay down and go



to sleep.
==========



Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out



it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that's like



a regular window.



==========
During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not



putting on your armor because you were "just going down to the



corner."
==========



If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like

I am now.



==========



When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call



the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and



started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.



==========



Here's a good thing to do if you go to a party and you don't know



anybody: First take out the garbage. Then go around and collect any



extra garbage that people might have, like a crumpled napkin, and take



that out too. Pretty soon people will want to meet the busy garbage



guy.



==========



Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights,



even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is



you're talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door.



==========



If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet



it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was



reading a magazine.



==========



Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe



me?



==========



If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while



you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it



on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell



you.



==========



If you go to a costume party at your boss's house, wouldn't you think



a good costume would be to dress up like the boss's wife? Trust me,



it's not.



==========



Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a



dungeon. But some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you'd



look out your little window and think, "Boy, I'm glad I'm not out in



that."



-------------------

Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over



here, looking through your stuff.




      -- Jim Rosenbaum's Humor Page (http://www.jimrosenbaum.com/humor/)
W I N T E R M E L T D O W N
W i n t e r M e l t d o w n



December 8 -- 6:00 PM and it's starting to snow. The first of the season and

the wife and I took our cocktails and sat by the window watching the soft

flakes drift down all over the area. It was BEAUTIFUL!



December 9 -- We awoke to a big beautiful blanket of crystal white snow

covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Every tree and shrub

covered by a beautiful mantle. I shoveled the snow for the first time in

years and loved. it. I did both the driveway and sidewalks. Later a snow

plow came, shoveled it again.



December 12 -- The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Oh well, I'm sure we

will get some more before the lovely winter is through.



December 14 -- It snowed eight inches last night and the temperature dropped

to 20 below zero. Shoveled the driveway and sidewalk again and then the snow

plow came by and did it's trick again.



December 15 -- Sold my van and bought a 4 X 4 Blazer so I can drive in the

snow. Bought snow tires for my wife's car.



December 16 -- Fell on my ass on the ice on the driveway. All that was hurt

were my feelings.



December 17 -- Still cold (below zero in the A.M.) and icy roads make for

tough driving.



December 20 -- Had another 14 inches of the white shit last night. More

shoveling in store for me today. The goddamn snow plow came by twice!



December 22 -- We are assured of a white Christmas because 13 inches of that

shit fell today and with this freezing fucking weather it won't melt until

August. Got all dressed up to go out and shovel (boots, jumpsuit, heavy

jacket, scarf, earmuffs, gloves etc...) and then got the urge to piss.



December 23 -- I was going to go ice fishing today, but the fucking worms

froze and I didn't want the fish to break their teeth on my fucking bait!



December 24 -- If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch that drives that fucking

plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls! I think he hides around

the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then comes down the

street at 100 miles an hour throwing that shit all over what used to be my

lawn!



December 25 -- MERRY CHRISTMAS! They predict 20 more fucking inches of this

white bullshit. I wonder if they know just how many fucking shovels full of

snow 20 inches is?? Assholes!! Fuck Santa, he doesn't have to bust his balls

shoveling that shit. The snow plow driver came by and asked for a donation.

I whupped him up-side the head with the snow shovel.



December 26 -- Guess who the fuck got 28-plus more inches last night? I

must be going snow blind or getting cabin fever because the wife is starting

to look real good to me!



December 27 -- Cocksucking toilet froze. If you go outside, don't eat the

brown snow.



December 28 -- I set fire to the house. Now let's see if the fucking snow

melts off the roof.


      -- Jim Rosenbaum's Humor Page (http://www.jimrosenbaum.com/humor/)
Italian Dinner
Two vampires were sitting around their castle in Transylvania talking about how they were tired of the local food. Both of them were of the opinion that Italian food would be a nice change. So, they changed into bats and winged there way over to Italy.



They set themselves down in Venice and went looking for their dinner. Soon, they found a nice dark bridge over a canal to have their meal. They hunkered down and waited. In no time, an Italian couple came floating down the waterway. As they passed under the bridge, the vampires grabbed them, sucked them dry and tossed them into the water.



As they licked their lips, they discussed how good Italian food was and they both decided it was so good that they wanted seconds. Again, they hid and waited. As before another young Italian couple came floating down the canal. Also as before, the vampires grabbed them, sucked every drop of blood from their bodies and tossed them over the side of the bridge.



Now, the vampires were felling pretty full, but they decided to make it a really special night and to have some dessert. Waiting in the dark, they soon spied another couple approaching their bridge. When they got there, this couple also found themselves subdued and their bodies sucked dry.



The vampires then tossed the dead couple into the canal.



Satiated, the vampires prepared to change form and fly home before they were caught by the coming dawn.



They stopped however, when they heard singing. Not wanting to be seen, they searched for the source.



A quick glance proved that they were the only ones on the bridge. The sound however was coming from the canal. Slowly they approached the rail and looked over. Sure enough there in the water they spied a crocodile. He was munching on the bodies singing, "Drained wops keep falling on my head..."




      -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm)
Irish Pub Joke
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.



"Why of course", comes the reply.



The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"



"I'm from Ireland", replies the second man.



The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Lets have another round to Ireland."



"Of course", replies the second man.



Curious, the first man then asks: "Wherein Ireland are you from?"



"Dublin", comes the reply.



"I can't believe it", says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."



"Of course", replies the second man.



Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"



"Saint Mary's", replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."



"This is unbelievable", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and graduated in '62, too!"



About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.



"What's been going on?", he asks the bartender.



"Nothing much", replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."




      -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm)
Three Elderly Ladies
One afternoon three elderly ladies were sitting around a table enjoying tea.



One woman said to the others "you know, sometimes I find myself in frontof the fridge with a jar of mayonaise in my hand, and can't remember if Iam supposed to put it away or make a sandwich"



Another woman chimed in saying "you know, I have the same problem.... sometimesI find myself at the stairway landing and can't remember if I'm going upor coming down".



The third woman proclaimed "well, I'm glad I don't have your problems - knockon wood" as she rapped her knuckles on the table three times and said "oh!,that must be the door, I'll get it!"




      -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm)

<< PREVIOUS   14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 | 10-19 20-29 30-39 40-49 50-52  NEXT >>

[top of page]

Adult (131)
  - Bad Pick up Lines (499)
  - Sexes (59)
Animals (101)
Blonde (150)
  - Top Signs (286)
College (10)
Computers (103)
  - Microsoft (13)
Cultural (103)
  - Redneck (50)
  - Religious (304)
Food & Drink (14)
  - Bar (109)
Golf (29)
Marriage (77)
  - Children (61)
Political (110)
Quotes (59)
  - Essays (35)
  - Puns (21)
Seasonal (19)
  - Holiday (48)
True Stories (34)
Unsorted (518)
Work (37)
  - Doctor (60)
  - Engineer (8)
  - Lawyers (30)
Free
Newsletter
Name:

Email:


Led Zeppelin - Stairway to Heaven
Led Zeppelin - Stairway to Heaven
Buy this Poster at AllPosters.com

Scott Young, President and Head Instructor Bar Smart Inc.