3261 Bar Jokes In Our Database
150 Blonde Jokes
This is page 2 of 15 pages displaying a total of 150 Blonde jokes.
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A Blonde Guy Gets Home Early A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. You rotten bastard," says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!!!" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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A Blonde Had Just Totaled Her Car A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?" "Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped." Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...." "Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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A Blonde Hurries Into The Hospital Emergency Room Late One Night A blonde hurries into the hospital emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. "How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her. "Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied. "What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off the tip of your finger?" "No, silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought, 'I just paid $6000 for these, I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'" "So, then?" asked the doctor. "Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3000 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.'" "So, then?" "Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought 'This is going to make a loud noise,' so I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger. -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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A Blonde Is Driving Along A Country Road A blonde is driving along a country road with no cars on it, and fields on both sides. She turns and looks out the window of her car and sees this other blonde in the middle of a field, in a rowboat rowing and rowing. So she stops her car, gets out, and says, "You know it's blondes like you who give the rest of us blondes a bad name!" Receiving no reaction from the blonde in the rowboat she screams, "If I could swim I'd come out there and punch you out!" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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A Blonde Teenage Girl Comes Home From School A blonde teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me ..... Babies come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?" "Yes, dear." replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up, and she wouldn't have to explain it in detail to her daughter. "But then when I have a baby," responded the blonde teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out? -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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A Blonde Walked Into The Drug Store A blonde walked into the drug store to do some shopping. While walking around she kept noticing a shiny object behind the counter. When she went to pay, she asked the cashier, "What's that shiny object behind the counter?" The cashier told her, "That's a thermos." The blonde asked her, "What does it do?" The cashier told her , "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The blonde thought that was incredible, so she bought it. The next day at work her boss, another blonde, came to her desk and asked her, "What's that shiny object?" The blonde worker told her, "It is a thermos." Intrigued, the boss asked what it did. The worker told her that it kept hot things hot and cold things cold. Her boss then asked her what she had in it. "Well, right now I have a Popcicle and coffee in it." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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A Blonde Walks Into A Bank A blonde walks into a bank in New York city and asks for the loan officer. She says she is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new rolls royce parked across the street in front of the bank, everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5000. And the interest, which comes out to $15.41. The loan officer says, "we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction worked out very nicely,, but we are a little puzzled, while you were away, we checked you out and found out you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5000?" The blonde replied, "where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?" FINALLY A SMART BLONDE JOKE!! -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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A Blonde Was Bragging A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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A Blonde Was Playing Trivial Pursuit THE VACUUM A BLONDE WAS PLAYING TRIVIAL PURSUIT ONE NIGHT. IT WAS HER TURN. SHE ROLLED THE DICE AND SHE LANDED ON "SCIENCE & NATURE." HER QUESTION WAS, "IF YOU ARE IN A VACUUM AND SOMEONE CALLS YOUR NAME, CAN YOU HEAR IT?" SHE THOUGHT FOR A TIME AND THEN ASKED, "IS IT ON OR OFF?" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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A Blonde Went Into A World Wide Message Center A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: "But I don't have any money. But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother". The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect) "Anything?" he asked. "Yes,yes, anything" the blonde promised. 'Well then, just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the next room. The blonde did as she was told and followed the man. "Come in and close the door" the man said. She did. He then said "Now get on your knees". She did. "Now take down my zipper". She did. "Now go ahead take it out" he said She reached it and grabbed it with both hands ... then paused. The man closed his eyes and whispered "Well..go ahead". The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it .. and while holding it close to her lips, tentatively said "Hello, mum can you hear me?" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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