3261 Bar Jokes In Our Database
59 Sexes Jokes
This is page 2 of 6 pages displaying a total of 59 Sexes jokes.
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Adam And Eve Adam and Eve ------------ Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.... When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she told her mate. "Eve, honey, you're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You know you're the only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by a strange pain in the chest. It was his darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about the torso. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded. "Counting your ribs," said Eve. -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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An Appointment For Sex? One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?" -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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After The Argument... Following an especially angry argument, Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to bed not speaking to each other. Needing to arise early the following morning, Mr. Smith left a note on his wife's bedside table that said "Wake me at six." An exasperated Mr. Smith awoke at ten the following morning and rolled stiffly out of bed to see a note on his bedside table: "It's six, you bum! Get out of bed!" -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Alzheimers When I went to lunch today, I noticed this elderly man about 75-80 years old sitting on a bench near the shopping center and he was sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He said: "I have a 22 year old wife at home. She makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground brewed coffee." I said: "Well, then why are you crying?" He said, "She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me half the afternoon." I said: "Well, so why are you crying?" He said: "For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m." I said: "Well, why in the world would you be crying?" He said: "I can't remember where I live." -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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His And Her Atm Habits HIM: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Insert card 3. Enter PIN number 4. Take cash, card and receipt HER: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Check makeup in rearview mirror 3. Shut off engine 4. Put keys in purse 5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine 6. Hunt for card in purse 7. Insert card 8. Hunt in purse for tampon wrapper with PIN number written on it 9. Enter PIN number 10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes. 11. Hit "cancel" 12. Re-enter correct PIN number 13. Check balance 14. Look for envelope 15. Look in purse for pen 16. Make out deposit slip 17. Endorse checks 18. Make deposit 19. Study instructions 20. Make cash withdrawal 21. Get in car 22. Check makeup 23. Look for keys 24. Start car 25. Check makeup 26. Start pulling away 27. STOP 28. Back up to machine 29. Get out of car 30. Take card and receipt 31. Get back in car 32. Put card in wallet 33. Put receipt in checkbook 34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook 35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook 36. Check makeup 37. Put car in gear, reverse 38. Put car in drive 39. Drive away from machine 40. Travel 3 miles 41. Release parking brake ==================================== -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Behavioral Changes After Marriage "Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking, running around at all hours of the night and more. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music and how to invest in the stock market." "Sounds like you may be bitter because she spent so much time trying to change you." "I'm not bitter. But now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me." -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Cats And Women Syllogism Cats do what they want, when they want. They rarely listen to you. They're totally unpredictable. They whine when they are not happy. When you want to play they want to be left alone. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater to their every whim. They're moody. They leave their hair everywhere. They drive you nuts. Conclusion: Cats are little, tiny women in cheap fur coats -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Checkup For An Elderly Woman 65 Year Old Woman This 65 year old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed laughing and singing. Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her. He watches her a while then says, "You look ridiculous! What on earth do you think you're doing?" She says, "I just got my checkup and my doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old." She starts laughing and jumping again. He says, "Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 65 year-old ass?" "Your name never came up..." she replied. -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Hands Off The Cookies! An elderly man was at home, dying in bed. He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking. He wanted one last cookie before he died. He fell out of bed, crawled to the landing, rolled down the stairs, and crawled into the kitchen where his wife was busily baking cookies With waning strength, he crawled to the table and was just barely able to lift his withered arm to the cookie sheet. As he grasped a warm, moist, chocolate chip cookie, his favorite kind, his wife suddenly whacked his hand hard with a spatula causing him to release the cookie. "Why?" whispered the dying man. "Why did you do that"? "They're for the funeral," she replied. -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Communication Differences While out on a drive, a man and his wife are in a serious car accident. The man came out fine, but his wife ended up in a coma. After several days in the hospital with no change, a nurse was giving the wife a sponge bath, and while washing between her legs the lady twitched her eyes and let out a small moan. The nurse ran and told the doctors, who then went to her husband and said, "We think that your wife will respond to oral sex, and if you are willing to give it a try, it might help bring her out of the coma." The husband responed that he was willing to try anything, and that if he could have 20 minutes in the room alone with her, he would give it a shot. 20 minutes later, the man came out of the room crying and said, "I think she's dead!" The doctors came running up to him and asked, "What happened?" And he responded, "I think she choked to death." -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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