3261 Bar Jokes In Our Database
103 Cultural Jokes
This is page 2 of 11 pages displaying a total of 103 Cultural jokes.
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A Young Native American Boy Approaches His Mother A young Native American boy approaches his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face. "Say, Mom, why is my bigger brother named 'Mighty Storm'?" "Because he was conceived during a mighty storm." "Well, why is my sister named 'Cornflower'?" "Well, your father and I were in a cornfield, when we made her." "And why is my other sister called 'Moonchild'?" "We were watching the moonlanding while she was conceived**" "**Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Abraham Is An Old Jewish Guy Who Is A Yarn Merchant Abraham is an old Jewish guy who is a yarn merchant. He lives next door to the biggest anti-Semite in town. One day the anti-Semite calls up Abraham and says, "Hey Jew!!!... I need a piece of orange yarn. The length must be from the tip of your nose to the tip of your penis, and I want it delivered tomorrow." Abe says, "OK." The next morning the Anti-Semite is awakened at 7am by the sound of running engines. He runs outside to see a row trucks lined up one after the other, dumping truckful after truckful of orange yarn in his front yard. Soon his yard is a 5-feet deep sea in orange yarn. Abe then presents a bill for $18,000 to the anti-Semite. The guy starts yelling and screaming at Abe. "What is this, Jew? This is not what I asked for! I told you I needed a piece of yarn from the end of your nose to the tip of your penis. Look at this place! What do you have to say for yourself?" Straightfaced, Abe replies "I'm very careful when I deal with people like you, that's why I got a few witnesses here with me. I may be off by a few miles, so I gave you a 2% discount; but... the tip of my penis was left in Poland after my circumcision!" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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An American Businessman Goes To Japan An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food. The concierge tells him he's in luck, there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza. Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza. The man takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, "What the Heck did you put on this pizza?" The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on the pizza what you ordered, pepper only." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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An Arab Has Spent Many Days Crossing The Desert An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert in search of water. It gets so bad that his camel dies of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last breath when all of a sudden he sees a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers that he has a Manischewitz wine bottle. It appears that there may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrews the top and out pops a genie.......But this is no ordinary genie. This genie appears to be a Chasidic Rabbi, complete with black alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, etc., "Well kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes." "I'm not going to trust you,' says the Arab. "I'm not going to trust a Jewish genie!" "What have you got to lose? It looks like you're a goner anyway!" The Arab thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. "Okay, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink." * *****POOF********* The Arab finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies. "Okay kid, what's your second wish?" My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams." * ****POOF****** The Arab finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems. "Okay kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!" After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says, "I wish that no matter where I go beautiful women will always need and want me!!!" * ****POOF***** He is turned into a tampon. THE MORAL OF THE STORY: If you do business with a Jewish genie, there's going to be a string attached -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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An Englishman, Irishman And Scotsman Went For A Round Of Golf An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman went for a round of golf and their wives went along as caddies. While walking around the course the English man's wife caught her foot in a rabbit hole, tripped up, and landed in a heap on the ground. Her skirt was over her head revealing that she wasn't wearing any panties! The Englishman stormed over and angrily demanded a reason for her state of undress. "Well darling," she explained, "you give me so little allowance that I have to make the odd sacrifice. Usually no one notices." The Englishman thrusts his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's ten pounds. Go to Mark's and Spencer's and get some knickers." Two holes further along the Irish Man's wife caught her foot on a molehill, tripped up and landed in a heap on the ground. Again her skirt was up over her head revealing that she wasn't wearing any panties either! The Irish man was livid and he angrily demanded a reason for her lack of undergarments. "Well darling," she explained, "you give me so little allowance I cannot afford to buy undergarments." With that the Irish man thrust his hand into his pocket and said, Here's five pounds. Go to Woolworth's and get some panties." Three holes further on, the Scottish man's wife caught her foot on an exposed root, tripped up and landed with her skirt over her head revealing that even she wore no panties! Her explanation to her irate husband was the same as the others. Simply a lack of allowance. The Scottish man thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a comb. The least you can do is tidy yourself up a bit." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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An Irish Bloke Goes To The Doctor An Irish bloke goes to the doctor. "Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot". So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look. "Incredible" he says, "there is a $20 note lodged up here". Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a $10 note appears. "This is amazing", exclaims the doctor. "What do you want me to do?" "Well fur fughs sake teyhk it out man!" shrieks the patient. The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another, and another etc....Finally the last note comes out and no more appear. "Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter, how moch is dare den?" The doctor counts the pile of cash."$1990 exactly." "Ah, dat'd be roit. I knew I wasn't feeling two grand." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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An Irishman By The Name Of Jim Hughes An Irishman by the name of Jim Hughes moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walks into the pub and promptly orders three beers. The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table, alone. An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three more. This happens yet again. The next evening the man again orders and drinks three beers at a time, several times. Soon the entire town is whispering about the Man Who Orders Three Beers. Finally, a week later the bartender broaches the subject on behalf of the town. "I don't mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why you always order three beers?" "Tis odd, isn't it?" the man replies. You see, I have two brothers, and one went to America, and the other to Australia. We promised each other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank as a way of keeping up the family bond." The bartender and the whole town was pleased with this answer, and soon the Man Who Orders Three Beers became a local celebrity and source of pride to the hamlet, even to the extent that out-of-towners would come to watch him drink. Then, one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers. The bartender pours them with a heavy heart. This continues for the rest of the evening - - he orders only two beers. The word flies around town. Prayers are offered for the soul of one of the brothers. The next day, the bartender says to the man, "Folks around here, me first of all, want to offer condolences to you on the death of your brother. You know -- the two beers and all..." The man ponders this for a moment, then replies, "You'll be happy to hear that my two brothers are alive and well. It's just that I, meself, have decided to give up drinking for Lent." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Back In The Time Of The Samurai Back in the time of the Samurai there was a powerful emperor who needed a new head Samurai so he sent out a declaration throughout the country that he was searching for one. A year passed and only 3 people showed up: a Japanese Samurai, a Chinese Samurai and a Jewish Samurai. The emperor asked the Japanese Samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head Samurai. The Japanese Samurai opened a match box and out pops a little fly. Whoosh goes his sword and the fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces. The emperor exclaimed: "That is very impressive!" The emperor then asked the Chinese Samurai to come in and demonstrate. The Chinese Samurai also opened a match box and out pops a fly. Whoosh whoosh goes his sword. The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces. The emperor exclaimed: "That is really very impressive!" The emperor then had the Jewish Samurai demonstrate why he should be the head Samurai. The Jewish Samurai also opened a match box and out pops a fly. His flashing sword goes whoooooooossshhh whoooooooossshhh whoooooooossshhh. A gust of wind fills the room, but the fly is still alive and buzzing around. The emperor, obviously disappointed, asks: "After all of that, why is the fly not dead?" The Jewish Samurai smiled, "Well, circumcision is not intended to kill." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Bragging Bragging A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon were having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention. The Jew, bragging about his virility said "I have four sons, one more and I'll have a basketball team!." The Catholic poo-poohed this accomplishment, stating, "That's nothing boy, I have 10 sons, one more and I'll have a football team." To which the Mormon replied, "You fellers ain't got a clue. I have 17 wives, one more and I'll have a golf course!." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Everything Is Relative Everything is Relative A young gay man calls home and tells his Jewish mother that he has decided to go back into the closet because he has met a wonderful girl and they are going to be married. He tells his mother that he is sure she will be happier since he knows that his gay lifestyle has been very disturbing to her, and now he will be going 'straight'. She responds that she is indeed delighted and asks tentatively, "I suppose it would be too much to hope that she would be Jewish?" He tells her that not only is the girl Jewish, but is from a wealthy Beverly Hills family. She admits she is overwhelmed by the news, and asks, "What is her name?" He answers, "Monica Lewinsky." There is a long pause, then his mother asks, "What happened to that nice Catholic boy you were dating last year?" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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