3261 Bar Jokes In Our Database
518 Unsorted Jokes
This is page 22 of 52 pages displaying a total of 518 Unsorted jokes.
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Made In Japan There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!" After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!" And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!" The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was US$300. The Japanese exclaimed, "Wah... so expensive!" There upon, the driver yelled back, "Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!" -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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The Pastor And The Bear It seems a pastor from Maine skipped services one Sunday to gobear hunting in the mountains. As he turned the corner along the path, he and a bear collided. The pastor stumbled backwards, slipped off the trail, and began tumbling down the mountain with the bear in hot pursuit. Finally the pastor crashed into a boulder, sending his rifle in one direction and breaking both legs. As the bear closed in, the pastor cried out in desperation, "Lord, I'm sorry for what I have done. Please forgive me and save me! Lord, please make that bear a Christian." Suddenly the bear skidded to a halt at the pastor's feet, fell to its knees, clasped its paws together and said, "God, bless this food which I am about to receive." -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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Women's T-shirt Slogans -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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Annoying Toilet Habits -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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Papal Golf The Pope met with his Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel. "Your Holiness", said one of his Cardinals, Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths." The Pope thought this was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club in his hand. "Don't we have a Cardinal to represent me?" he asked. "None that plays very well," a Cardinal replied. "But," he added, "there is a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a devout Catholic. We can offer to make him a Cardinal, then ask him to play Mr. Netanyahu as your personal representative. In addition, to showing our spirit of cooperation, we'll also win the match." Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made. Of course, Nicklaus was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of the result. "I have some good news and some bad news, your Holiness, " said the golfer. "Tell me the good news first, Cardinal Nicklaus," said the Pope. "Well, your Holiness, I don't like to brag, but even though I've played some pretty terrific rounds of golf in my life, this was the best I have ever played, by far. I must've been inspired from above. My drives were long and true, my irons were accurate and purposeful, and my putting was perfect. With all due respect, my play was truly miraculous. "There's bad news?", the Pope asked. "Yes," Nicklaus sighed. "I lost to Rabbi Tiger Woods by three strokes." -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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Best T-shirts Of The Summer -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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Cuckoo Clock Just after I got married, I was invited out for a night with the boys. I told the Mrs. "I would be home by midnight....I promise!!" Well, the yarns were being spun and the beer was going down easy, and at around 3am, drunk as a skunk, I went home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock started, and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, I realized my wife would probably wake up, so I cuckooed another nine times. I was really proud of myself, having the quick wittedness, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict. The next morning my bride asked me what time I got in and I told her "12o'clock." Whew! Got away with that one! She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why she said, "Well, last night it cuckooed three times, said 'Damn it,' cuckooed another four times, passed gas, cuckooed another three times, cleared its throat, and cuckooed twice and giggled." -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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Brain Transplants In the hospital, where their family member lay gravely ill, the relatives gathered in the waiting room. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. I'm afraid I am the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, risky, and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves." The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. At length, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "$2000 for a female brain, and $5000 for a male brain." The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A girl, unable to control her curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?" The doctor smiled at her childish innocence and then to the entire group said, "It's a standard pricing procedure. We have to mark the female brains down, because they've been used." -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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The Next Best Thing Three old men were sitting around and talking. The 80-year-old said, "The best thing that could happen to me would just to be able to have a good pee. I stand there for 20 minutes, and it dribbles and hurts. I have to go over and over again." The 85-year-old said, "The best thing that could happen to me is if I could have one good bowel movement. I take every kind of laxative I can get my hands on and it's still a problem." Then the 90-year-old said, "That's not my problem. Every morning at 6 a.m. sharp, I have a good long pee. At 6:30 a.m. sharp, I have a great bowel movement. The best thing that could happen to me would be if I could wake up before 7 a.m." -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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Drinking Jet Fuel Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hanger with nothing to-do. Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!" Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?" So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane stuff and get completely smashed. The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings... It's Jim. Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?" Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?" Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?" Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often." "Yeah, well there's just one thing..." "What's that?" "Have you farted yet?" "No..." "Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in PHOENIX!!! -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
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