3354 Bar Jokes In Our Database
103 Cultural Jokes
This is page 3 of 11 pages displaying a total of 103 Cultural jokes.
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Gay Frank Goes Into The Doctor's Office Gay Frank goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run. The doctor comes back and said "Frank, I am not going to beat around then bush. You have AIDS." Frank is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?" The doctor says "I want you to go home and eat 5 pounds of spicy sausage, a head of cabbage, 20 un-peeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and peanuts, a box of Grape nuts cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice." Frank asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?" "No, but it will teach you what your ass is for." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Guillotine Moments Guillotine Moments An Italian, an American, and a Polak were captured by the French for various crimes and are taken to the Guillotine. The executioner places the Italian on the block and asks if he has any last words. The Italian replies, "I pray to the Virgin Mary that I may live." They drop the blade it it stops a mere inch above the Italian's neck. Amazed, the French let him go. Next, the American is put in position and asked if he has any final words. He replies, "In the name of Jesus Christ, please have mercy." They drop the blade, and again it stops just an inch from the American's neck. In disbelief, they let him go free. Then the Polak is placed on the block, and they ask if he has any last words. He says, "Yeah. You've got a knot in your rope." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Irish Shopping Irish Shopping McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. "S' cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, "what was that all about?" "Nothin', said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Lost At Sea Lost at Sea Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Murphy Was Staggering Home Murphy was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg. "Please Lord", he implored, "let it be blood!!" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Nationality Of Jesus. Nationality of Jesus. Scholars have long debated the exact ethnicity and nationality of Jesus. Recently, at a theological meeting in Rome, scholars had a heated debate on this subject. One by one, they offered their evidence............. THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS MEXICAN: 1. His first name was Jesus 2. He was bilingual 3. He was always being harassed by the authorities But then there were equally good arguments that....... JESUS WAS BLACK 1. He called everybody "brother" 2. He liked Gospel 3. He couldn't get a fair trial But then there were equally good arguments that....... JESUS WAS JEWISH (or Italian!) 1. He went into His Father's business 2. He lived at home until he was 33 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin, and his Mother was sure he was God But then there were equally good arguments that....... JESUS WAS ITALIAN (or Greek!) 1. He talked with his hands 2. He had wine with every meal 3. He used olive oil But then there were equally good arguments that....... JESUS WAS A CALIFORNIAN 1. He never cut his hair 2. He walked around barefoot 3. He started a new religion But then there were equally good arguments that....... JESUS WAS IRISH 1. He never got married 2. He was always telling stories 3. He loved green pastures But perhaps the most compelling evidence ......... INCONTROVERTIBLE PROOF THAT JESUS WAS A WOMAN ..... 1. She had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food. 2. She kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who JUST DIDN'T GET IT. 3. Even when She was dead, She had to get up because there was more work for her to do. -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Paid In Full Paid in Full The madam opened the brothel door to see an elderly Jewish man. His clothes were disheveled and he looked needy. "Can I help you?," the madam asked. "I want Natalie," the old man replied. "Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies -- perhaps someone else..." "No, I must see Natalie." Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $1,000 per visit. The man didn't blink an eye, but reached into his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour, whereupon the man calmly left. The next night he appeared again, demanding Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no discounts. It was still $1,000. Again, the old man took out the money, the two went up to the room, and he calmly left an hour later. When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it. Again he handed Natalie the money and up to the room they went. At the end of the hour Natalie questioned the old man: "No one has ever used my services three nights in a row.....where are you from?" The old man replied, "I am from Minsk." "Really?," Natalie replied. "I have a sister who lives there." "Yes, I know," said the old man. "She gave me $3,000 to give to you." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Poland Poland’s worst air disaster occurred today when a small, two-seater Cessna crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in Central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues. !!!!????? -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Something To Offend Damn-near Everyone Something To Offend Damn-Near Everyone. . . Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They named him Sum Ting Wong. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast? They're hiring. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek? Because they're not going to work in the future, either. Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying, "Yo" What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm? A pimp. Why do drivers education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say f*ck? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! What's the Cuban national anthem? "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit... -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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The Brothel The Brothel Two Irishmen were sitting a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad." Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation." Then they saw a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity... one of the girls must be quite ill." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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