3354 Bar Jokes In Our Database
152 Blonde Jokes
This is page 4 of 16 pages displaying a total of 152 Blonde jokes.
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A Young Blonde Was On Vacation In The Depths Of Louisiana A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde Flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated shouts out, "Dang it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either! -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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A Young Ventriloquist Is Touring A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes, when a large, blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, "I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blond jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being?" The ventriloquist looks on in amazement. "It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community," she continued, "and of reaching my full potential as a person because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large... all in the name of humor." Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize. The blonde interjects, "You stay out of this, mister, I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee!" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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A Young Woman Went To Her Doctor Complaining Of Pain A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor. "I hurt all over", said the woman. "What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific." The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch That hurts, too." Then she touched her temple, "Ow, even that hurts," she cried. The doctor looked at her thoughtfully for a moment and asked, "Are you a natural blonde?" "Why, yes," she replied. "I thought so," said the doctor, "You have a broken finger." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Blonde Behind The Wheel Was Knitting BLONDE BEHIND THE WHEEL WAS KNITTING A HIGHWAY PATROLMAN PULLED ALONGSIDE A SPEEDING CAR ON THE FREEWAY. GLANCING AT THE CAR, HE WAS ASTOUNDED TO SEE THAT THE BLONDE BEHIND THE WHEEL WAS KNITTING! REALIZING THAT SHE WAS OBLIVIOUS TO HIS FLASHING LIGHTS AND SIREN, THE TROOPER CRANKED DOWN HIS WINDOW, TURNED ON HIS BULLHORN AND YELLED, "PULLOVER!" ?NO," THE BLONDE YELLED BACK, "IT'S A SCARF!" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Blonde Gun Blonde Gun A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it up to her own head. The frightened husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde shouts back, "Shut up!...You're next!" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Blonde Jokes Blonde Jokes Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said, "Look at that dog with one eye!" The other blonde covers one of her eyes and goes, "Where?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - A blonde, worried about the HIV crisis, walks into a drugstore and purchases a pack of condoms. "That will be $1.08, please," says the clerk. "What's the 8 cents for?" asks the blonde. "It says one dollar right here on the packaging." "Tax," replies the clerk. "Gee," says the blonde, "I thought you just rolled them on and they stayed put." ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to your other ear?" "The son of a bitch called back." ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - This executive was interviewing a nervous young blonde women for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" The blonde quickly responded, "The living one." ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - One day a blonde went to a sea food restaurant and saw the tank where they kept the lobsters. She took pity on these creatures and hid them in her purse. Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals free. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - "Excuse me, could you tell me the time?" asked the blonde of a man on the street corner. "Sure....it's three fifteen," he replied with a smile. "Thanks," she said, a puzzled look crossing her face. "You know, it's the weirdest thing ... I've been asking that question all day long, and each time I get a different answer." ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - A blonde and a brunette are walking through a park. The brunette, looking at the ground, says, "Look! A dead bird!" The blonde looks up at the sky and says, "Where?!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - A blonde's house is on fire. She runs outside and yells, "Help me! My house is on fire! What do I do?!" Someone else yells, "Call 911!" The blonde yells back, "What's the number?!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hon, "he says, "how do you like your new phone?" "I just love it, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand. How did you know I was at Wal Mart?" >> -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Blonde Judi Was Bored With Driving Her Bmw Blonde Judi was bored with driving her BMW. It lacked individuality and she fancied something a bit more individual. She visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful, used Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she fell in love with it’s gorgeous red paint. An empty check book later, she was off - tearing down the country lanes enjoying her beautiful, new car. Her long, blonde hair was flowing in the wind, the music blaring from the radio—what could possibly go wrong? With that thought, there was a splutter from the engine and the car slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the bonnet and, after a few minutes, concluded that she didn’t have a clue what was wrong. Luckily, she had her mobile phone with her and placed a quick call to the Auto Club. After a short wait, the bright, shiny yellow van pulled up behind her. "That’s a lovely car," said the mechanic. "What seems to be the matter?" Judi replied, "Well, it just conked out." "Let me have a look." He set to work and, ten minutes later, the engine was purring like a kitten again. "Thank goodness," she said. "What was the matter?" "Simple, really. Just crap in the carburetor," he replied. Looking shocked, she asked,"Oh! How many times a week do I have to do that?" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Blonde On First Class Blonde In First Class On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to economy since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving." Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving." The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what should he do. The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this." He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?" Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat. He said, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Blonde On The Sun BLONDE ON THE SUN A RUSSIAN, AN AMERICAN, AND A BLONDE WERE TALKING ONE DAY. THE RUSSIAN SAID, "WE WERE THE FIRST IN SPACE!" THE AMERICAN SAID, "WE WERE THE FIRST ON THE MOON!" THE BLONDE SAID, "SO WHAT, WE'RE GOING TO BE THE FIRST ON THE SUN!" THE RUSSIAN AND THE AMERICAN LOOKED AT EACH OTHER AND SHOOK THEIR HEADS. "YOU CAN'T LAND ON THE SUN, YOU IDIOT! YOU'LL BURN UP!" SAID THE RUSSIAN. TO WHICH THE BLONDE REPLIED, "WE'RE NOT STUPID, YOU KNOW. WE'RE GOING AT NIGHT!" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Blonde Rider Blonde Rider A guy took a blonde out on a date. Eventually they ended up parked at a "lovers point" where they started making out. After things started getting pretty good, he thought he might get lucky, so he asked her "Do you want to get into the back seat?" "NO!" she answered. Okay, he thought, maybe she's not ready yet. Now he has her shirt and skirt off, the windows are steamed, and things are getting really hot, so he asks again, "Do you want to get into the back seat?" "NO!" she answers again. Now he has her bra off, they're both very sweaty, and she even has his pants unzipped. Okay, he thinks, she HAS to want it now. "Do you want to get into the back seat NOW?" he asks again. "NO!" she answers yet again. Frustrated, he demands "Well, why not!" "Because I want to stay up here with you!" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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