3354 Bar Jokes In Our Database
103 Cultural Jokes
This is page 4 of 11 pages displaying a total of 103 Cultural jokes.
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The Genie And The Irishman THE GENIE AND THE IRISHMAN An Irishman is walking along the beach one day, and he sees a bottle laying in the sand. He picks it up and starts to brush it off, and out pops a genie. The genie says, "Since you have freed me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes." The Irishman thinks for a moment and says, "I'm feeling a might thirsty, I think I'll be wishing for a pint of stout." POOF! There is a pint of stout in his hand. He drinks it down, and starts to throw the bottle, when the genie says, "I'd look at that bottle again before I threw it if I were you." So he looks at the bottle, and it is magically filling back up with stout. The genie told him, "That is a magic bottle, and it will always fill back up after you finish it." The genie then asked, "What other two wishes can I grant for you?" The Irishman looks at the bottle in his hand and says, "I'll be wanting two more of these!" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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The Only Cow In A Small Town In Poland The only cow in a small town in Poland stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found they could buy a cow from Moscow for 2,000 rubles or one from Minsk for 1,000 rubles. Being poor, they bought the cow from Minsk. The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again. They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the rabbi, who was very wise, what to do. They told the rabbi what was happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side." The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this Cow from Minsk ?" The people were dumbfounded. They had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow. "You are truly a wise rabbi. How did you know we got the cow from Minsk?" The rabbi answered sadly, "My wife is from Minsk." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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There Is A Beautiful Deserted Island In The Middle Of Nowhere There is a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere where the following people are stranded: * 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman * 2 French men and 1 French woman * 2 German men and 1 German woman * 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman * 2 English men and 1 English woman * 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman * 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman * 2 American men and 1 American woman * 2 Canadian men and 1 Canadian woman * 2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman * 2 New Zealand men 1 New Zealand woman * 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman One month later on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred: * One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman. * The two French men and the French woman are living happily together having loads of sex. * The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman. * The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them. * The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman. * The Bulgarian men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the Bulgarian woman and they started swimming. * The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, while the American woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her much nicer and how her relationship with her mother is not improving, but at least the taxes are low and it is not raining. * The two Canadian men and woman just watched the Americans and did what they did. * The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for instructions. * The two Australian men beat each other senseless for the Australian woman, who is checking out all the other men, after calling them 'bloody wankers." * One New Zealand man is having sex with the New Zealand woman, the other is searching the island for sheep. * The Irish began by dividing the island into north and south and by setting up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey, but they are satisfied in that at least the English are not getting any. -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Three Irishmen Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard. "Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "it's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87." "That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Toole, it says here that he was 95 when he died." Just then, Shamus yells out, "Forget him, here's a fella that got to be 145 years old!" "What was his name?" asks Paddy. Shamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles to Dublin." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Three Proofs That Jesus Was Three Proofs That Jesus Was Jewish -He went into his father's business. -He lived at home until he was 33. -He was sure his Mother was a virgin, and his Mother was sure he was God. Three Proofs That Jesus Was Irish -He never got married. -He was always telling stories. -He loved green pastures. Three Proofs That Jesus Was Puerto Rican -His first name was Jesus. -He was bilingual. -He was always being harassed by the authorities. Three Proofs That Jesus Was Italian -He talked with his hands. -He had wine with every meal. -He worked in the building trades. Three Proofs That Jesus Was Black -He called everybody "brother." -He liked Gospel. -He couldn't get a fair trial. Three Proofs That Jesus Was A Californian -He never cut his hair. -He walked around barefoot. -He started a new religion. Three Proofs That Jesus Was A Woman -He had to feed a crowd, at a moments notice, when there was no food. -He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it. -Even when He was dead He had to get up because there was more work for Him to do -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Want To Quit Smoking? Read On! WANT TO QUIT SMOKING? READ ON! Two gay guys are in a San Francisco bathroom using the urinals. One of the guys looks at the other guy's penis and notices there's a Nicoderm patch on it. He turns to the other guy and says, "I believe you're supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not your penis." The other guy replies, "It's working just fine. I'm down to 2 butts a day." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Want What? Want What? A Chinese couple while working in a Chinese restaurant, fall in love and get married - and she's a virgin. On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring: "My darling, I know dis you firs time and you bery frighten. I promise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting you want.... What you want?" "I wanta have numma 69" she replies. He looks at her very puzzled and says, "You want . . . . . . Beef with Broccoli?" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Watch Your Step WATCH YOUR STEP A guy applied to join a nudist club. "Exactly what do you do here?" he asked. "It's quite simple," said the club secretary, "we take off all our clothes and commune with nature." "Cool," said the guy, "...count me in!!!" So he paid his membership fee, took off his gear and strolled off. As he walked along a path, he saw a big sign which read, "Beware of Gays." A little further along he saw another sign which read the same thing "Beware of Gays." He continued walking until he came to a small clearing which had a bronze plaque set in the ground. He bent over to read the plaque and it said, "Sorry,... You've had two warnings!" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Water To Wine Water to Wine An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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American Tourists In Ireland A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable.The food is terrible. It's too hot. It's too cold. The accommodations are awful. The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. "Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone,"the guide said. "Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one willbe able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow." "We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone." "Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune." "And I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed. "No, ma'am," the frustrated guide said, "but I've sat on it." -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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