3354 Bar Jokes In Our Database
200 Bar Jokes
This is page 4 of 20 pages displaying a total of 200 Bar jokes.
<< PREVIOUS 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 | 10-19 NEXT >>
|
A Panda bear walks into a bar - bar joke A panda walks into a bar. The bartender says "hey, we don't serve pandas here." But the panda says "Just give me something to eat, and then I'll go." The bartender says "Oh, all right." So the panda eats the food that the bartender gives him. So the bartender says, "OK, now you have to leave." But the panda says "Oh no I don't." and he pulls out a gun!!! and pow! pow! shoots up the bar. The Panda starts to leave. The bartender says "Hey! you can't just leave after shooting at us!" the panda says "Oh, yes I can. Look me up in the dictionary." So the panda leaves and the bartender gets out a dictionary and looks up panda. It says: "Panda - eats shoots and leaves." |
|
Man Walks Into a Bar With Alligator Man Walks Into a Bar With Alligator, Police Called Thursday, November 13, 2008 HUNTINGTON BEACH, Calif. — Heard the one about the guy who walked into a bar with an alligator? At Johnny's Saloon in Orange County, it was more than a joke early Saturday when a man arrived with his 3-foot pet gator on a leash. By the time police and animal control officers arrived at Johnny's, the gator was in the man's vehicle in the parking lot. Officers followed him home, where another alligator was found, animal control spokesman Ryan Drabek said. Both alligators were impounded and were being held Wednesday pending an investigation by the Department of Fish and Game, Drabek said. Alligators are not native to California and it is illegal to keep them as pets. A woman who answered the telephone at Johnny's Wednesday night declined to comment. |
|
Beer joke- The leaders of the big beer companies meet at the bar for a drink. The president of Budweiser orders a Bud, the CEO of Miller gets a Miller, the head of Coors orders a Coors, and so on. Until it's Arthur Guinness's turn. He orders a soda. "Why didn't you order a Guinness?" everyone asks. Guinness replies, "if you guys aren't having beer, then neither will I." |
|
3 guys in a bar- bar joke A Texan, a New Yorker, and a Bostonian are sitting together in a bar in the Yukon. The Texan tosses back his shot of tequila, throws the half-full bottle up in the air, pulls out a gun, and blows it to pieces. The other two, shocked, just stare at the Texan. He explains, "Where I come from, we have plenty of tequila." The New Yorker, not to be outdone, finishes his glass of wine, tosses the half-full bottle up in the air, pulls out a gun, and blows it apart. "Where I come from," he explains, "we have plenty of fine wine." The Boston guy slowly drinks the last drop of his beer, tosses the empty bottle in the air, pulls out a gun, and shoots the New Yorker between the eyes. He then catches the bottle on the way down. "Where I come from," he says slowly, "we never waste booze—and we have plenty of New Yorkers." |
|
The Forgetful Bartender joke Forgetful Bartender joke A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is done the bartender tells him he owes $9.00. "But I paid, don't you remember?" says the customer. "Okay," says the bartender, "If you say you paid, you did." The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid. The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt. The barkeep replies, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it." Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how to get free drinks. The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink high-balls when, suddenly, the bartender leans over sand says, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched in the face." "Don't bother me with your troubles," the final patron responds. "Just give me my change and I'll be on my way." |
|
A woman walks into a bar -bar joke A woman walks into a bar and the bartender says “Hey where’d you get the pig?” The women says “This isn’t a pig it’s a duck” and the bartender says “ I was talking to the duck!” |
|
A guy runs into a bar - bar joke A guy runs into a bar and he asks the bartender for 24 shots of his finest whisky. When the bartender has poured the shots the guy drinks them down as fast as possible. The bartender says “wow I’ve never seen anyone drink that fast before” and the guy says “You would to if you had what I had” and the bartender says “What is it you have?” And the guy says “25 cents” and runs out of the bar. |
|
A man walks into a bar - bar joke 12 Year Old Scotch A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for twelve-year-old scotch. The bartender thinks "This guy is pretty pretentious" and proceeds to pour him a drink of six-year-old scotch. He gives it to the customer who takes a drink, exclaiming, "This isn't twelve-year-old scotch, this is six-year-old scotch" The bartender thinks, hey this guy knows what he's talking about, and the two of them get into a conversation about where the customer is from etc.. At one point an old guy, who was sitting at the other end of the bar comes over with a glass and hands it to the customer. The latter takes a drink, and spits it out. "This is piss!" he yells. The old guy nods and says, "Yeah, but how old am I?" |
|
A ducks walks into a bar - bar joke A ducks walks into a bar and asks, “Got any grapes?” The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn’t serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns and says, “Got any grapes?” Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ”Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!” The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ”Got any nails?” Confused, the bartender says no. ”Good!” says the duck. ”Got any grapes?” |
|
A guy walks into a bar - bar joke A guy walks into a bar and asks for a glass of beer, and the bartender says, "That'll be four cents, please." The guy nearly spits out his beer. "Four cents?!" he says in amazement. "How much for a plate of fish and chips with extra mashed potatoes and gravy and a side order of peas?" "Eleven cents," says the bartender. The customer says he's going to recommend this place to all of his friends because of the low prices. "Wow!" he exclaims. "Where's the manager so I can thank him for these low prices and shake his hand?" "Upstairs," says the bartender, "with my wife." "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" the customer asks. "Same thing I'm doing to his bar and his money," the bartender calmly replies. |
<< PREVIOUS 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 | 10-19 NEXT >>
