3354 Bar Jokes In Our Database
61 Children Jokes
This is page 4 of 7 pages displaying a total of 61 Children jokes.
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Little Johnnie's At It Again! Little Johnnie's at it again! Philosophy: A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first shot. The teacher replies "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking". Then Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone" To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, . . . but I like your thinking. *************************************** Math Class: Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father. "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'" "But that's right!" "Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'" "What's the fucking difference?" asks the father. "That's what I said! ****************************************** English: Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?' Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!' Miss Rogers: 'All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?' Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.' Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.' Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob". *************************************** Come Again? Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," said his Mom, "of course not." Little Johnny then ran back outside and his Mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!" *************************************** Grammar: Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out,"Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!" The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go." Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!!!" *************************************** Beautiful: One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, ....just fucking beautiful!'" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Little Johnny Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car pass the play ground and go into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane in a "Passionate Embrace". He contains himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly, "mommy, mommy, I was at the playground and daddy and..." Mommy tells him to slow down. She wants to hear the story. So Little Johnny tells her. "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy...." At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight." At the dinner table, Mommy asks Little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny starts his story, describing the car going into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and ".... then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in he Navy." ++++++++++++ Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father. "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'." "But that's right!" "Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'" "What's the fucking difference?" asks the father. "That's what I said! ++++++++++++ Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?' Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!' Miss Rogers: "All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?" Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.' Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.' Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob". ++++++++++++ One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a Beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful...just fucking beautiful!'" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Little Johnny And Susie Are Only 10 Years Old Little Johnny and Susie are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, So Johnny goes to Susie's father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage." Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?" Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In Susie's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely." Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Susie." Again, Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance... Susie makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine." By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so Much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?" Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so far..." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Little Johnny At The Beach Little Johnny's parents took him to a nudist beach for the first time. Johnny was in awe of all the naked bodies, their different shapes and sizes. A gorgeous blonde with huge hooters walked by, so he asked his mom, "how come hers are so much bigger than yours?" His mother answers, "well Johnny, all womens' breasts are different shapes and sizes. But, the larger they are, the dumber they are." Minutes later, a man with a "third leg" walks by. Little Johnny again looks to his mom, "mommy, how come his peepee is so much bigger than daddy's?" His mother answers, "Well son, men are like women. The bigger their penis, the dumber they are." Little Johnny was satisfied with this explanation and decided to stroll down the beach in search of the dumbest and smartest sunbathers on the beach. Not too far from his family's beach blanket, he saw a sight that made him run back to his mother. "mommy mommy mommy... daddy's talking to this really dumb girl, and the more he talks to her, the dumber he gets!!!!!" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Little Johnny Is Approached By The Lifeguard At The Public Swimming Pool. Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool. "You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you." "But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny. "Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Little Leroy Was At Home Doing His Math Homework. Little Leroy was at home doing his Math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine". In that moment, his mother comes in and hears what he is saying. "Leroy, what are you doing?! Why are you saying that?!" Little Leroy answered, "I'm doing my Math homework, Mom". She said, "And is that what your teacher taught you?" He replied, "Yes". The next day, the mother, worried about the education her son is receiving, goes to Little Leroy's school to talk to the teacher. The mother said to his Math teacher, "I would like to know what you are teaching my son in Math? The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition problems." Little Leroy's mother asked, "And... are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" When the teacher stopped laughing she replied, "Not at all! What I taught them was two plus two THE SUM OF WHICH IS four." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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No Apple? NO APPLE? Miss Smith is a kindergarten teacher and today is her birthday. As she walked into her classroom one of her students, Sally, had brought a gift up to her desk. "Guess what it is!" said Sally. Knowing that Sally's father owned a bookstore she guessed, "A Book?" "How did you know?" asked Sally Next, Dillon brought a gift up to Miss Smith. "Guess what it is!" said Dillon. Knowing that Dillon's parents owned a florist shop, she guessed, "Flowers?" "How did you know ?" asked Dillon Finally, Joey brought up a gift for Miss Smith. "Guess what it is!" said Joey. Knowing that Joey's father owned a liquor store, and seeing that the bag was wet, she placed her fingers on the liquid and then licked them. "Rum?" guessed Miss Smith. "No" said Joey. She tasted again..."Vodka?" she guessed. "No" said Joey. Once again she wet her fingers and tasted, "I know," said Miss Smith, "It's wine." "No!" said Joey..."it's a puppy." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Off To The Races... Off to the races... The fourth and fifth graders went on a field trip to the local race track accompanied by their lady teachers. During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the restroom so it was decided that the girls would go with the 5th grade teacher. And the 4th grade teacher took the boys and waited outside the men's bathroom. One of the boys came out and told her he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside and began hoisting all the little boys up by their armpits as they did their business. Though not purposely, while lifting one little boy, she couldn't help but notice that he was particularly well endowed. "I guess you must be in the fifth," she said. "No ma'am," he said, "I'm in the 7th, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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One Day Johnny Comes Home From School And Asks His Father One day Johnny comes home from school and asks his father, "Dad, what's a penis?" His father whips out his tool and says, "That, son, is a penis. It's not only a penis, it is the perfect penis." The next day some of his friends ask him what a penis is. Johnny exposes his tool and says, "This is a penis. And if it was three inches shorter it'd be the perfect penis." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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One Of The Teachers Had A Kindergartner One of the teachers had a kindergartner come up to her and say that he found a frog. The teacher asked if the frog was alive or dead. The student said it was dead. The teacher asked how he knew. The boy said, "I pissed in it's ear." The teacher said, "You what?" He said, "You know, I went to his ear and said, 'PSST!' and it didn't move. So it must be dead." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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