3261 Bar Jokes In Our Database
150 Blonde Jokes
This is page 5 of 15 pages displaying a total of 150 Blonde jokes.
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Blondes Again Blondes Again A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. "I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "we don't have any." "But I always get it here," says the blonde. "Do you have the container it comes in?" "YES!", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it." She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant." Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, "TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Blondes On Mt. Everest Blondes on Mt. Everest Eleven people were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest. Ten were blonde, one was a brunette. As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish. For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered. Finally the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others. The blondes applauded. -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Brunette Jokes Or Blonde Revenge Brunette Jokes or Blonde Revenge 1. Why do brunettes like their dark hair color? A. It doesn't show the dirt. 2. Who makes all the bras for brunettes? A. Fisher-Price 3. Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes? A. They discovered the hair from a buffalo's butt was much more manageable. 4. Why are most brunettes flat chested? A. It makes it easier to read their T-shirt. 5. Why are brunettes so proud of their hair? A. It matches their mustache. 6. If blondes get fingers run through their hair, what runs through a brunettes' hair? A. Lice 7. How can you tell the color brunette is evil? (hmmm!) A. You ever see a blonde witch? 8. Is it tru blonds have more fun? A. No, they have ALL the fun. 9. How can you tell a brunette is lonely? A. Check her for a pulse. 10. What is the most frustrated animal in the world? A. A brunette rabbit. 11. Why do brunettes wear training bras? A. Because it's cheaper than changing their bandaids everyday. 12. Why was the first football stadium sketched out on a brunette's chest? A. Because they needed a level playing field. 15. Why did they quit selling brunette Barbie dolls? A. Parents felt the dandruff might be contagious. 16. Why do brunettes sleep all night on their stomachs? A. Because they can. 17. How do brunettes get the tangles out their hair? A. With a rake. 19. What is the official color of Poland? A. Brunette 20. How do you drowned a brunette fish? A. Just add water. 21. What do you call brunette twins doing bubble gum commercials? A. Double-dumb. 22. What's so good about brunette midgets? A. They're only half as ugly. 24. What would the photograph of a brunette say if it cout talk? A. Yes. 25. What did the brunette say to the US Marine? A. Yes----350,000 times. 26. Why did the brunette chicken cross the road? A. Because there were 14,000 roosters on the other side. 27. What kind of costumes do little brunette kids wear on Halloween? A. They don't, they just stand on their heads and go as dirty mops. 28. Why don't brunettes get breast implants? A. They already spent their money on thigh implants. 29. What did the frustrated brunette say to her uninterested lover? A. "Just what part of the word `yes' didn't you understand?" 30. Why did God create brunettes? A. So ugly men wouldn't be left out. 31. How can you spot a flock of brunette geese? A. They're the ones walking south for the winter. 32. Where do you find a brunette bat? A. Laying dazed on the ground next to the side of a barn. 33. What do brunettes miss most about a great party? A. The invitation. 34. Where do brunettes get their black hair? A. It's transplanted from their underarms. 37. How do you tell a brunette you're not interested? A. It ain't hard. 38. Why do brunettes have to pay an extra $2,000 for a boob job? A. Because the plastic surgeon has to start from scratch. 39. What do many brunettes wear on their face that matches their hair? A. Warts. 41. What does a brunette look for all her life and then just dies when she finds one? A. A gray hair. 42. How do you describe a brunette who's phone rings on Saturday night? A. Startled 43. What do you call a good-looking man with a brunette? A. A hostage 44. Why did God create brunettes? A. Because he screwed up and created the "old maid" category first. 45. Why do brunettes put ice in their nose before they go to work? A. So their lunch won't spoil. 46. How did Revlon come up with it's brunette hair color? A. By studying what oil spills did to seaweed. 47. Why can't brunettes `tease' their hair? A. Because it's not funny. 48. How can a brunette get lost in a crowd of three? A. It's easy... if one-third of the crowd is blonde. 49. What's the difference between a brunette and the trash? A. At least the trash gets taken out once a week. -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Competition To Cross The English Channe There was a competition to cross the English Channel doing only the breaststroke. Just three women entered the race: a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. After approximately 14 hours the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest breaststroker. About 40 minutes later the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared to be the second place finisher. Nearly 48 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers. When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Cosmetic Surgery Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery. The first woman says, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job." The second woman says "Oh that's nothing, I'm thinking of having my asshole bleached!" To which the first replies, "Whoa, I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Diary Of A Blonde Newlywed Diary Of A Blonde Newlywed Dear Diary, Monday: Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home, it's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow enough bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine. Tuesday: We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. But, Bob happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. Did they ever look startled when I served the salad. Wednesday: I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the week. I can't say it improved the rice any. Thursday: Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, "Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over the garden by my mom's. So I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there one hour so the dog would not take it. Bob came over and asked if I felt all right. I wonder why? Friday: Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "Put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it." Beat it I did, right over to my mom's house. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again it looked the same as when I left it. Saturday: Bob went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found a doll dress and some little shoes. I thought the hen looked real cute. When Bob saw it, I wondered why he counted to 10. Sunday: Today Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast, but all we had in the icebox, was hamburger. So I put it in the oven and set the controls for roast. Must be the oven, because it still came out hamburger. Good night, Dear Diary. This has been an exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come, so I can try a new recipe on Bob. -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Double-decker Bus Double-Decker Bus Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rides on the top level. The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!" One of the Blondes from the second team looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Finally... A Dumb Blonde Guy... Finally... a dumb blonde guy... An Irishman, a Mexican and a blond guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The blond opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I'm jumping too." Next day the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too. The blond opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his death also. At the funeral The Irishman's wife is weeping. She says, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also weeps and says, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. "Hey, don't look at me" she said. "He made his own lunch." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Flowers From A Friend Flowers From A Friend A blonde and a brunette are sitting on a park bench talking about their horrible boyfriends when the brunettes boyfriend walks past and hands her a dozen red long stem roses. Once he is gone the brunette turns to the blonde, sighs, and says "I can't stand him! Now he is going to expect me to stand on my head all night with my legs spread apart!" Then the blonde looks at the brunette with a confused expression and says "Why? Dont you have a vase -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Green Side Up! Green side up! A woman wants the inside of her house painted and she calls a contractor in to get started. They stroll through the house, and she points out the colors she wants. She says, "Now, in the living room, I'd like a nice beige." The contractor mutters, "Umm, hmm...", pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out and yells, "Green side up!" Perplexed, the woman lets it slide as they continue into the next room. "Now in the dining room I'd like an off white, bright and airy." The contractor nods, makes another note on his pad of paper, then he goes to the window, leans out, and yells "Green side up"! The homeowner is even more perplexed but still she's letting it slide. They move into the next room. She says, "Here in the bedroom, I'd like blue; a peaceful, cool blue." The contractor nods, "Yea, OK, that's fine", writes a note... Yet again, he goes to the window, leans out and yells "Green side up"! Finally overcome with curiosity, the woman has to ask, "Every time I tell you a color, you write it down, but then you yell out the window 'Green side up.' What on earth does that mean?" The contractor shakes his head and says, "Oh, that... I got four blondes laying sod across the street." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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