3261 Bar Jokes In Our Database
103 Cultural Jokes
This is page 5 of 11 pages displaying a total of 103 Cultural jokes.
<< PREVIOUS 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 | 10-11 NEXT >>
|
American Business Habits Satire The American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, only a little while. The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs. The American then asked, "but what do you do with the rest of your time?" The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life." The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise." The Mexican fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?" To which the American replied, "15-20 years." "But what then?" The American laughed and said that's the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions." "Millions.. Then what?" The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos." ******************************* -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
|
Bar Talk An Irishman, an Italian, and a Polish guy are in a bar. They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place. Then the Irishman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Dublin, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!" The others agree that sounds like a nice place. Then the Italian says, "Yeah, that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there's this place, Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy anudda drink, Vinny buys you anudda drink." Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar. Then the Polish guy says, "You think that's great? Where I come from, there's this place, Warshowski's. At Warshowski's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!" "Wow!" said the other two. "That's fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?" "No," he replied, "but it happened to my sister!" -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
|
Canadians _________________________________________________________ Three guys, a Newfie, a Quebecer and an Albertan are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total", says the Genie. The Newfie says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity." With a blink of the Genie's eye, ,FOOM' the oceans were teaming with fish. The Quebecer was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Quebec, so that nothing will get in for all eternity." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, ,POOF' there was a huge wall around Quebec. The Albertan asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out." The Albertan says, "Fill it up with water." -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
|
Chewing Gum? A gum-chewing American and a Frenchman are sitting together in a restaurant. The American feel really proud to be an American, so he starts a conversation. He asks the Frenchman, "When you eat bread, do you eat all of it?" "Mais oui!, of course!" responds the Frenchman. "Well," says the American, "we only eat the soft part of it. The rest we collect in containers, take to a factory and put through a mill. What comes out are little breads that we sell in France. "And what about steaks?" he continues. "Do you eat all parts of them?" "Bien sur! We do," replies the Frenchman. "You don`t say!" says the America, grinning. "We don`t! We only eat the meaty part of the steak. The greasy part we collect in containers, take to a factory, put through a mill, and what comes out are little steaks that we sell in France." Now the Frenchman is really riled. So he asks, "And what do Americans do with their used condoms?" "Hey, we throw them away of course," says the American. "Ha!" exclaims the Frenchman. "We collect them in containers, take them to a factory and put them through a mill. What comes out is chewing gum that we sell in America!" -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
|
Chinese Translations LEARN TO SPEAK CHINESE... Ai Bang Mai Ne I bumped into the coffee table Ar U Wun Tu A gay liberation greeting Chin Tu Fat You need a face lift Dum Gai A stupid person Gun Pao Der An ancient Chinese invention Hu Flung Dung Which one of you fertilized the field? Hu Yu Hai Ding We have reason to believe you are harboring a fugitive Jan Ne Ka Sun A former late night talk show host Kum Hia Approach me Lao Ze Sho Gilligan's Island Lao Zi Not verygood Lin Ching An illegal execution Moon Lan Ding A great achievement of the American space program Ne Ahn A lighting fixture used in advertising signs Shai Gai A bashful person Tai Ne Bae Be A premature infant Tai Ne Po Ne A small horse Ten Ding Ba Serving drink to people Wan Bum Lung A person with T.B. Yu Mai Te Tan Your vacation in Hawaii agrees with you Wa Shing Kah Cleaning an automobile Wai So Dim Are you trying to save electricity? Wai U Shao Ting There is no reason to raise your voice Si-Ling Fan A device to keep you cool -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
|
More Chinese Translations Subject: Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes [English phrase] --[Chinese Interpretation] Are you harboring a fugitive? --Hu Yu Hai Ding? See me A.S.A.P. --Kum Hia Nao Stupid Man --Dum Gai Small Horse --Tai Ni Po Ni Your price is too high!! --No Bai Dam Ding!! Did you go to the beach? -- Wai Yu So Tan? I bumped into a coffee table. --Ai Bang Mai Ni I think you need a facelift. --Chin Tu Fat It's very dark in here. --Wai So Dim? Has your flight been delayed? --Hao Long Wei Ting? That was an unauthorized execution. --Lin Ching I thought you were on a diet. --Wai Yu Mun Ching? This is a tow away zone. --No Pah King Do you know the lyrics to the Macarena? --Wai Yu Sing Dum You are not very bright. --Yu So Dum I got this for free. --Ai No Pei I am not guilty. --Wai Hang Mi? Please, stay a while longer. --Wai Go Nao? Our meeting was scheduled for next week. --Wai Yu Kum Nao They have arrived. --Hia Dei Kum Stay out of sight. --Lei Lo He's cleaning his automobile. --Wa Shing Ka Your body odor is offensive. --Yu stin ki pu Pew! does this bathroom stink! --Hu Flung Dung? -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
|
Chinese Torture A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small house. Knocking on the door he is greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long gray beard. "I'm lost," says the young man. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man." "OK," he agreed, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house. Before dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone. During the night he could bear it no longer and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy. He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture #1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read "Chinese Torture #2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to taunt. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted towards the ground he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture #3: Right testicle tied to bed post." -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
|
Choking In The Appalachians Subject: Choking! A woman goes into a restaurant in a small southern town. She orders the chicken and starts to eat. The food is very good and in eating too quickly she starts to choke. Two good ole boys in the next booth notice she is choking and rush to her assistance. The first country boy drops his coveralls and bends over. The second one leans close and starts licking his butt. The woman is so grossed out by this display that she throws up, thus dislodging the piece of chicken. The first country boy pulls his overalls back up and says to the other, "Damn Leroy, that 'hind-lick' maneuver really works". -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
|
Communism Sometime in the 1970s a shipment of meat arrives in a town in the Soviet Union. The townspeople line up at the town store to wait to be given their rations. After about an hour, a man comes out of the store and announces, "Comrades, I'm sorry to tell you, but there isn't enough meat for everyone, so the Jews have to leave." The Jews in the line leave grumbling. About an hour later, the man comes out of the store and announces, "Comrades, I'm sorry to tell you this, but there isn't enough meat for everyone, so anyone who is not a member of the Communist party will have to leave." More grumbling as the non-Party members depart. Another hour goes by and the man comes out of the store again and announces, "Comrades, I'm sorry to tell you this, but there isn't enough meat for everyone in the line, so anyone who wasn't a member of the Party before 1956 has to leave." More grumbling as all the younger Party members leave. A few old people remain in the line. Another hour goes by. It's now getting dark and it's cold. The same man comes out of the store and announces, "Comrades, I'm sorry to tell you this, but there isn't any meat. Go home." One old lady in the line turns to her neighbor and says... "See? It's like I told you. The Jews always get the best treatment!" -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
|
Foreign Language Contest Winners The following were winners in a New York Magazine contest in which contestants were to take a well-known expression in a foreign language, change a single letter, and provide a definition for the new expression. (All except the last one, which breaks the rule.) HARLEZ-VOUS FRANCAIS?--- Can you drive a French motorcycle? EX POST FUCTO -- Lost in the mail MAZEL TON -- tons of luck IDIOS AMIGOS -- We're wild and crazy guys! VENI, VIPI, VICI --- I came, I'm a very important person, I conquered. COGITO EGGO SUM -- I think; therefore I am a waffle. RIGOR MORRIS -- The cat is dead. RESPONDEZ S'IL VOUS PLAID -- Honk if you're Scottish. QUE SERA SERF -- Life is feudal. LE ROI EST MORT. JIVE LE ROI -- The king is dead. No kidding. POSH MORTEM -- Death styles of the rich and famous PRO BOZO PUBLICO -- Support your local clown. FELIX NAVIDAD -- Our cat has a boat. HASTE CUISINE -- Fast French food VENI, VIDI, VICE -- I came, I saw, I partied. QUIP PRO QUO -- A fast retort APRES MOE LE DELUGE -- Larry and Curly got wet. ICH LIEBE RICH -- I'm really crazy about having dough. VISA LA FRANCE -- Don't leave your chateau without it. COGITO, ERGO SPUD -- I think, therefore I Yam -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
<< PREVIOUS 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 | 10-11 NEXT >>
