3354 Bar Jokes In Our Database
200 Bar Jokes
This is page 5 of 20 pages displaying a total of 200 Bar jokes.
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A guy walks into a bar - bar joke A guy walks into a bar and notices there’s a bunch of meat hanging from the ceiling. the guy says ” hey bartender, I’ll bet you a $100 bucks I can jump up and grab some meat from that ceiling”. The bartender says, “I don’t know man, them steaks are pretty high”. |
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A duck walks into bar - bar joke A duck walks into bar, Duck: got any bread? Bartender: no Duck: got any bread? Bartender: no... Duck: got any bread? Bartender: NO Duck: got any bread? Bartender: NOOOOO!!!!! Duck: got any bread? Bartender: If you ask that one more time I'm going to nail your bill to the counter. Duck: got any nails? Bartender: NO Duck: got any bread? |
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Strongest bartender- bar joke Strongest bartender- bar joke The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice " I'd like to try the bet" After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man "what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?" The man replied "I work for the IRS." |
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A man walks into a bar - bar joke A man walks into a bar for the first time, and he's sitting around drinking. Some of the old timers are telling jokes. One of them says "Seventeen" and the other old timers all roar with laughter. A little later, another of 'em says "Thirty-Two" and again, they all laugh and holler. Well, the new guy can't figure out what's going on, so he asks one of the locals next to him "What're these old-timers doin'?" The local says "Well, they've been hangin' around together so long they all know all the same jokes, so to save extra talkin' they've given 'em all numbers." The new fellow says "That's mighty clever! I think I'll try that." So he stands up and says in a loud voice "Nineteen!" Silence; everybody just looks at him, but nobody laughs. Embarrassed, he sits down again, and asks the local fellow "What happened? Why didn't anyone laugh?" The local says "Well, son, ya just didn't tell it right..." |
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A man walked into a bar - bar joke There was a bar advertising a contest and a man walked in to find out what the contest was for. The bartender said it is for anyone who could make my horse laugh wins fifty dollars. So the man asked where the horse was the bartender said out back in the barn. The man went out to the barn when he returned he told the bartender the horse was laughing the bartender went out and sure enough the horse was. About a month later the same man was passing the bar and they were having another contest and the man wanted to see what it was so he went in. The bartender said the horse had not stopped laughing since he was last there. The new contest was for who could make him stop got 100 dollars. The man went to the barn and came back and told the bartender that the horse was crying and the bartender went to check. When he returned he paid the man and asked how he had done that. The man replied that the first time I told the horse i had a bigger dick than he did, the second time i proved it. |
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A man walked into a bar -bar joke A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he will give him a free beer if he shows him something amazing. The bartender agrees, so the guys pulls out a hamster, who begins dancing and singing "Tuff Enuff" by the Fabulous Thunderbirds. "That IS amazing!" says the bartender and gives the guy his free beer. "If I show you something else amazing, will you give me another beer?" The bartender agrees, so the guy pulls out a small piano and a hamster and a frog. Now the hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" by Bachman-Turner Overdrive. The bartender, completely wowed, gives him another beer. A man in a suit, who's been watching the entire time, offers to buy the frog for a princely sum, which the man agrees to. "Are you nuts?" asks the bartender. "You could've made a fortune off that frog." "Can you keep a secret?" asks the man. "The hamster's a ventriloquist." |
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A ghost dog walks into a bar - bar joke One night after closing time a bar owner was finishing clearing up, when a ghost dog floats in through the door. The bar owner is scared, but asks him what he wants. The phantom hound explains, 'I've lost my tail and cannot rest until a kindly bar owner stitches it back on.' 'Sorry,' said the bar owner, 'but we don't re-tail spirits at this time of night.' |
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A guy walks into a bar - bar joke A man walks into a bar and asks the barman, 'Was I in here last night?' 'You certainly were,' replies the barman. 'And did I spend a lot of money?' 'You spent over $100, replies the barman. 'Thank god for that,' says the man, 'I thought I'd wasted it.' |
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A Nun Walks Into a Bar - Bar Joke A Nun Walks Into a Bar - Bar Joke John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a A Nun Walks Into a Bar and starts lecturing him on the evils of drinking. "You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!" Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive. "How do you know this, Sister?" "My Mother Superior told me so." "But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?" "Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself" "Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life" "How could I, a Nun, sit inside this public house drinking?!" "I'll get the bartender to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know." The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes to the bartender "Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?" "Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?" |
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A shrimp walks into a bar- bar joke A shrimp walks into a bar, and the bartenders says, "I'm sorry, ... but we don't serve food here..." |
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