3261 Bar Jokes In Our Database
150 Blonde Jokes
This is page 6 of 15 pages displaying a total of 150 Blonde jokes.
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How Many Cups Of Coffee? How many Cups of Coffee? A blonde grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop. She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order. "Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" the blonde asked. The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me." "Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief. "Then give me two regular, two black, and two decaf." Terri -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Jay And His Blonde Wife Live In Chicago Jay and his blonde wife live in Chicago. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 3 to 4 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Jay's wife goes out and moves her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 4 to 5 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Jay's wife goes out and moves her car again. The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park...", then the electric power goes out. Jay's wife says, "Honey, I don't know what to do." Jay says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Magic Frog Magic Frog MaryLou, a beautiful, well-endowed, young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet... As she looks about the store, she notices box full of frogs. The sign says: "Oral Sex" Frogs Only $20 each! Money-Back Guarantee! (Comes with complete instructions) MaryLou excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her and whispers softly to Ralph, the man behind the counter: "I'll take one." Ralph, packaging up the frog, says, "Just follow the instructions carefully." MaryLou nods, "Okay," grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, maryLou takes out the instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says to do... 1. Take a shower. 2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume. 3. Slip into on a very sexy teddy. 4. Crawl into bed, spread your legs and put the frog down "there". She then quickly gets into bed, puts the frog between her legs and, to her surprise, nothing happens! MaryLou is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store". So, MaryLou calls... Ralph, the man from behind the counter says, "I had some complaints earlier today. I'll be right over". Within five minutes, Ralph is ringing her doorbell. MaryLou welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there". Ralph, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says: "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Man Huntin' Man Huntin' Sally (a blonde) was seen going into the woods with a small package and a large bird cage. She was gone several days but finally she returned. Her friend, Liz, never saw Sally looking so sad. Liz said, "Heard you went off in the woods for a couple of days. Glad you got back okay...but you look so sad. Why??" Sally replied, "Cause I just can't get a man." "Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of the woods." "Don't be so silly. I know that. But I went in the woods cause I needed something there that would get me a man. But I couldn't find it." "I don't understand what you're talking about." "Well, I went there to catch a couple of owls. I took some dead mice and a bird cage." "So, how's that going help you get a man?" "Well, I heard the best way to get a man is to have a good pair of hooters." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Mirror, Mirror . . Mirror, Mirror . . Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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No Flowers, Please... No Flowers, Please... Two Valley girls, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop, where the redhead happens to notice that her boyfriend is buying flowers. She sighs, "Oh, crap, Charlie's buying me flowers again... and for no reason." The blonde girl looks quizzically at her and asks, "What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?" The redhead says, "Oh sure... but he always has great expectations after giving me flowers... and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back, with my legs in the air." The blonde asks, "What? You mean to tell me you don't you have a vase?" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Not Your Typical Blonde Joke ! NOT YOUR TYPICAL BLONDE JOKE! A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa." Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. Okay says the lawyer, your turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500. The blonde says, "Thank you", and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep. -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Once Upon A Time There Was A Blonde Once upon a time there was a blonde. She had long beautiful hair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all the blonde jokes. One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair. She also went out and bought a new convertible. She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the sheepherder over. "That's a nice flock of sheep," she said. "Well thank you," said the herder. "Tell you what. I have a proposition for you," said the woman. "Okay," replied the herder. "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" asked the woman. "Sure," said the sheepherder. So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382." "Wow," said the herder. "That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home." So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car. Upon watching this, the herder approached the woman and offered, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you." "What is it?" queried the woman. "If I can guess the real color of your hair... can I have my dog back?" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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One Morning This Blonde Calls One morning this blonde calls her friend and says, "Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to start it." Her friend asks "What is it a puzzle of?" The blonde says "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger." The blonde's friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box. He then turns to her and says: "First, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger." "Second, I'd advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box. -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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One Night A Blond Nun Was Praying One night a blond nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her. "My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish," said God. "Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways," said the nun. "There must be something you would have of me," said God. "Well, there is one thing," she said. "Just name it," said God. "It's those blond jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blond jokes to stop." "Consider it done," said God. "Blond jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans everywhere. But surely there is something that I could do just for you." "There is one thing. But it's really small, and not worth your time," said the nun. "Name it, Please," said God. "It's the M&M's," said the nun. "They're so hard to peel." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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