3261 Bar Jokes In Our Database
109 Bar Jokes
This is page 6 of 11 pages displaying a total of 109 Bar jokes.
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Animal Rights And The Blonde One day a blonde went to a sea food restaurant and saw the tank where they kept the lobsters. She took pity on these creatures and hid them in her purse. Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals free. ************************** Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said "Look at that dog with one eye!" The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?" -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Almost An Accident A state trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?" The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!" Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am...that's your air freshener." -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Attempted Suicide A blonde hurries into the hospital emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. "How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her. "Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied. "What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off the tip of your finger?" "No, silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: "I just paid $6000 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest." "So, then?" asked the doctor. "Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, "I just paid $3000 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth." "So, then?" asked the doctor. "Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger." -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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At The Lumber Yard A couple of blond men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blond men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours." "Alright. How long do you need them?" The customer paused for a minute and said, "Uh... I'd better go check." After awhile, the blond returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house. -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Alligator Shoes Alligator Shoes A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Florida. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one. Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Darn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either! -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Average Blondes Who Are Shipwrecked Three average blondes were shipwrecked on a desert island. They came across a magic lamp and a genie came out. The genie said that he would grant them each a wish.The first blonde asked to be made smart so the genie turned her into a brunette and she swam off the island. The second blonde asked to be even more smarter, so the genie gave her red hair and she built a boat and sailed off the island. The third blonde asked to be made the smartest, so the genie turned her into a man and he walked onto the bridge, and off the island. -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Blonde Cheerios What did the blonde say when she looked inside the box of Cheerios? 'Oh look: donut seeds!' -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Blonde Kidnapper A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde." The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?" -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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At The Bus Stop A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions, "Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?" The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." She thanked the officer and he drives off. Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?" The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!" -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Celebrating An Achievement Three blondes walk into a bar and ask the bartender for three shots of tequila. He looks at them and says "OK" and pours their shots. They all clink glasses and and yell "51 days!" Then they proceed to slam the shots, looking very self-satisfied. They look back to the bartender and decide to order another round. This time they pick up the glasses again and, more gleefully yell " Only 51 days!" The bartender finally can't stand wondering what they are talking about and asks them what they mean by Only 51 days. One of the blondes looks at him and says "Well," looking very smug. "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. It took us Only 51 Days.....and on the box it said 4-7 years" -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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