3261 Bar Jokes In Our Database
60 Doctor Jokes
This is page 6 of 6 pages displaying a total of 60 Doctor jokes.
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The Man For Her The Man For Her Marsha completed four weeks of dental restoration with Dr. Morris Collins the dentist... She confided to her best friend that she had fallen in love with her dentist and she was going to propose to him. Her friend said, "Marsha, you're 34 years old, you're beautiful, you have dozens of men that adore you. Why is this dentist THE man for you?" "Because," explained Marsha, "he is the first man that ever said to me - - 'SPIT, don't SWALLOW'." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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The Migraine A man goes to the doctor and complains that no medicine helps with his migraines. "When I have a migraine," says the doctor, "I go home and soak in a hot bath. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. Then I take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, we have sex. Almost immediately, the headache is gone. Try it and come back in six weeks." Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "It worked!" he exclaims. "I’ve had migraines for years, and no one’s ever helped me before!" "Glad to help," says the doctor. "By the way," the patient adds, "you have a really nice house." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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The New Baby The New Baby This woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in, and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby." The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby, Doctor? What's wrong???" The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit ... different ... Your baby is a hermaphrodite." The woman says, "A hermaphrodite ... what's that???" The doctor says, "Well, it means your baby has the, um, features of a male and a female." The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh my god! You mean it has a penis ... AND a brain?" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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The Proctologist Exam THE PROCTOLOGIST EXAM A man went into the proctologist's office for his first exam. The doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes. When the man sat down and began observing the tools, he noticed there were 3 items on a stand next to the doctor's desk. 1. A tube of K-Y jelly 2. A rubber glove 3. A beer When the doctor finally came in, the man said "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?" At that the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse........ "Dammit, nurse! I said A BUTT LIGHT." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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The Relatives Gathered In The Waiting Room In the hospital, the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I am the bearer of bad news." he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky, and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves." The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. At length, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "$200 for a female brain, and $500 for a male brain." The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A girl, unable to control her curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?" The doctor smiled at her childish innocence and then to the entire group said, "It's a standard pricing procedure. We have to mark the female brains down, because they're used." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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There Was An 80-year-old Virgin There was an 80-year-old virgin who suddenly got an itch in her crotch. She went to the doctor who checked her out and told her she had crabs. She explained that she couldn't have crabs because she was a virgin, but the doctor didn't believe her, so she went to get a second opinion. The second doctor gave her the same answer. So she went to a third doctor and said, "Please help me. This itch is killing me and I know that I don't have crabs because I'm a virgin!" The doctor checked her out and said, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you don't have crabs. The bad news is that your cherry rotted and you have fruit flies." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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This Old Fellow In His Eighties This old fellow in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat. His wife said, "Where are you going?" He said, "I'm going to the doctor." And she said, "Why, are you sick?" "No" he said, "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills." So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he said, "Where are you going?" She said, "I'm going to the doctor too." He said, "Why?" She said, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm going to get a tetanus shot." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Top 10 Signs You've Joined A Cheap Hmo Top 10 Signs You've Joined a Cheap HMO 10. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters. 9. Directions to your doctor's office include, "take a left when you enter the trailer park." 8. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles. 7. The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter. 6. The only item listed under Preventative Care is "an apple a day." 5. Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month. 4. Office dressing gowns have holes in the back AND the front. 3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming. 2. With your last HMO, Prozac didn't come in different colors with little "m"s on them. And the Number 1 Sign You've Joined a Cheap HMO: 1. You ask for Viagra. You get a popsicle stick and duct tape. -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Two Doctors Opened Offices In A Small Town Two doctors opened offices in a small town and put up a sign reading "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology". The town's fathers were not too happy with that sign, so they changed it to "Hysterias and Posteriors". This was not acceptable either, so they changed the sign to "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids". No go. So they tried "Catatonics and High Colonics". Thumbs down again. So they tried "Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives." Still not good. So they tried "Minds and Behinds". Unacceptable again. So they tried "Lost Souls and Ass-holes". Still no go. Nor did "Analysis and Anal Cysts," "Queers and Rears," "Nuts and Butts," "Freaks and Cheeks," or "Loons and Moons" work either. So they finally settled on "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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What About Trying Viagra? A mature women goes to the doctor and asks his help in reviving her husbands sex drive. "What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor. "Not a chance," says Mrs. Murphy. "He won't even take aspirin for a headache." "No problem" replies the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee; he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on." A week later, Mrs. Murphy visits the doctor, and he inquires as to how things went. "Oh, it was terrible, just terrible, doctor." "What happened?" asks the doctor. "Well, I did as you advised and slipped it into his coffee. The effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, at the same time ripping all my clothes off, and then proceeded to make passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was just terrible I tell you, just terrible! " "Whats terrible ?" asked the doctor. "Was the sex not good?" "Oh no, doctor, the sex was the best sex I've had in 25 years, but I'll never be able to show my face in McDonald's again!" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
