3354 Bar Jokes In Our Database
200 Bar Jokes
This is page 7 of 20 pages displaying a total of 200 Bar jokes.
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Two vampires walked into a bar - bar joke Two vampires walked into a bar and called for the bartender. "I'll have a glass of blood," said one. "I'll have a glass of plasma", said the other. "Okay," replied the bartender, "so, that'll be ... one blood and one blood lite..." |
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A man walked into a bar - bar joke A man walked into a bar and sat down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?" he asked. "No," was the reply. A few minutes later, the dog took a huge chunk out of his leg. "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" the man said indignantly. "That's not my dog," was the answer... |
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Two strings walk into a bar - bar joke These two strings walk up to a bar. The first string walks in and orders and the bartender throws him out and yells "I don't serve strings in this bar. The other string ruffs himself up on the street and curls up and orders. The bartender shouts, "Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?" The string says "Yeah." The bartender says, "aren't you a string?" The string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot..." |
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A grasshopper walks into a bar - bar joke A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper says, "Really? You have a drink named Willie?!" |
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I Can Bite My Eye Bar Joke I bet I can bite both of my eyes A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says to the barternder, "I'll bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye." The bartender accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass eye and bites it. He has a few more drinks and asks for his bill again. The bartender reports that his bill now is thirty dollars plus tip. He bets the bartender he can bite his other eye. The bartender accepts knowing the man can't possibly have two glass eyes. The guy then proceeds by taking out his false teeth and biting his other eye. |
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Bus Outsides the Bar Joke Where is this bus going? A drunken man gets on the bus late one night after leaving the bar, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman. She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!" The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!" |
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Dog In The Bar Joke You can't bring that dog in this bar A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door. Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!" The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?" |
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Pirate in The Bar Joke A pirate at the local bar discusses his past A bartender meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to his adventures on the sea. The bartender sees that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch. The bartendr asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as me men were pulling me out, a shark bit me leg off." "Wow!" said the bartender. "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut me hand off." "Incredible!" remarked the bartender. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into me eye," replied the pirate. "You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the bartender asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it was me first day with me hook you see" |
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The Magic Watch in the Bar Joke The Magic Watch in the Bar Joke A confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, and then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No," he replies, "I just bought this and I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "A Magic Watch? What's so special about it?" "It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains. "What's it telling you now?" she asked. "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." he said. The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!" The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast." |
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Bartender help Joke Bartender help An armless man walked into a bar which is empty except for the bartender. He ordered a drink and when he was served, asked the bartender if he would get the money from his wallet in his pocket, since he has no arms. The bartender obliged him. He then asked if the bartender would tip the glass to his lips. The bartender did this until the man finished his drink. He then asked if the bartender would get a hanky from his pocket and wipe the foam from his lips. The bartender did it and commented it must be very difficult not to have arms and have to ask someone to do nearly everything for him. The man said, "Yes, it is a bit embarrassing at times. By the way, where is your restroom?" The bartender quickly replies, "The closest one is in the gas station three blocks down the street." |
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