3354 Bar Jokes In Our Database
110 Political Jokes
This is page 7 of 11 pages displaying a total of 110 Political jokes.
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President Clinton Was Being Entertained President Clinton was being entertained by an African leader. They'd spent the day discussing what the country had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out. "The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus we learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette." President Clinton frowned. "Russian roulette's not a friendly, nice game." The African leader smiled. "That's why we developed African roulette. If you want to have good relations with our country, you'll have to play. I'll show you how." He pushed a buzzer, and a moment later six magnificently built, nude women were ushered in. "You can choose any one of those women to give you oral sex," he told Clinton. This gained Clinton's immediate attention, and he was ready to make his choice, when a thought occurred to him. "How on earth is this related to Russian roulette?" The African leader said "One of them is a cannibal." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Sex From Aides It has been known for years that one can get AIDS from sex. However, nearly simultaneous studies authorized by former President Bill Clinton and the Reverend Jesse Jackson have confirmed that you can get sex from aides. This has been substantiated recently by Representative Gary Condit from California. -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Star Trek The Saudi Ambassador to the U.N. has just finished giving a speech, and walks out into the lobby where he meets his American counterpart. They shake hands and as they walk the Saudi says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America." The American says, "Well your Excellency, anything I can do to help you I will do." The Saudi whispers, "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there are Russians and Blacks and Asians, but never any Arabs. He is very upset over this. He doesn't understand why there are never any Arabs in "Star Trek'. The American laughs and leans over and whispers, "That is because it takes place in the future." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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The Ballad Of Al Gore The Ballad of Al Gore (Sung to the tune of "The ballad of Jed Clampett") Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named Gore A snippy Democrat, who was really quite a bore On election day of his Presidential bout He thought he lost the fight but he got to recount Ballots that is... punch cards... butterflies Well the next thing you know they're countin' 'em again He lost a second time so he gave it all some spin They said Palm Beach is the place you oughta be So he hired legal experts from Tallahassee Florida that is... sunshine state... deadlocked Well the next thing you know they wanna change the rules And play around with votes cause they think we're friggin fools They riled lotsa folks and they made a lotta fuss Till Cheney came along and started kickin' butts Buttocks that is... liberal hineys... left-wing tuchas Al Gore whined that the system wasn't fair After countin' ballot holes that weren't even there Kate Harris said that the recount was a joke But that didn't stop the liberals from tallyin' votes Democrat votes that is... hangin' chad... dimpled ballots Well the State Supreme Court gave Gore another break They let him count again cause the party was at stake But just when he thought that his dream was born anew The overseas votes gave it all to W George W that is... Texas Governor... President-elect Now it's time to say good-bye to Al and all his kin He tried to steal some votes but it didn't help him win You're all invited over to his house in Tennessee To sit around and blubber at his pity-party Nashville that is... pout a while... have some sour grapes Ya'll have fun now... Ya Hear? -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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The Clinton's New Home The Clinton's New Home What should be the official name for Bill & Hillary Clinton's New York abode? There were lots of possibilities, according to the creative audience of The Jayne Carroll Show, a political talk radio program which airs daily in the Portland, Oregon metropolitan area. On Friday, September 10th, Carroll asked her audience to come up with an official name for the Clinton's $1.7 million house in Chappaqua, New York. Carroll's call-in contest required the names to be in relative good taste, original, and should capture the essence of one or both of the Clintons. The response was overwhelming! Some names nominated for the Clinton's new home included: Perjurers' Palace HillBilly Villa The House of Bill's Repute Drawers Downs Cheatem Estates Castle of Contempt Sin Simeon The House That Terrybought The Knee Pad The White Trash House The Blight House The Panderosa". Liars' Lair Bill & Hill's Bribe & Breakfast The Clinton Compost Dogpatch on the Hudson Rancho Immoral Deceitful Domicile Monica's Man's Manor The Hen House The Out House -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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The Jogger The Jogger Every morning, Bill Clinton took a jog near his new home in Chappaqua. And on each run, he happened to jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner, day after day. Apprehensive, he would brace himself as he approached her for what was (most certainly) about to follow. "Fifty dollars! ", she would shout from the curb. "No. Five dollars!", fired back Clinton. This ritual between the ex-prez and the hooker continued for several days. He'd run by. She'd holler, "Fifty dollars" He'd yell back, "Five dollars! " One day, Hillary decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog. As the jogging couple neared the now infamous street corner, Bill suddenly realized the "pro" would bark her $50 offer for all to hear (including Hillary) and he would have to come up with a damn good explanation for his wife, the junior Senator. As they jogged into the turn that would take them past her, Bill became overcome with anxiety on how to handle the situation. Sure enough, there she was - -standing where she always did. Bill tried to evade the streetwalker's eyes as she looked up at the jogging executives. Then from the sidewalk, she yelled to Bill .. . "See what you get for five bucks?" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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The President And Mrs. Clinton At A Yankees Game The President and Mrs. Clinton are in the front row at a Yankees game. The row behind them is taken up with Secret Service agents. One of them leans over and whispers in the President's ear. Mr. Clinton pauses, then grabs Hillary by the scruff of the neck and heaves her over the railing. She falls 10 feet to the top of the dug out, kicking and screaming obscenities. The President shakes hands of those near him and gets 'high five's'. The Secret Service agent leans over again and whispers, "Mr. President, I said, they want you to throw out the first PITCH!" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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The President's Bathroom The President's Bathroom Bill & Hillary had Al & Tipper Gore over for dinner at the White House. In the middle of dinner, Al excused himself to use the bathroom. After a couple of minutes, he came back. They finished dinner and left. On the way home, Al turned to Tipper and said, "Did you know Bill has got a solid-gold urinal in his bathroom? How can we tell the American people we are serious about cutting the budget when the President has a solid-gold urinal?" Tipper said, "There must be some mistake, I'll call Hillary when we get home and find out." They get home and she calls Hillary and says, "Is it true that Bill has a solid-gold urinal in his bathroom?" Hillary put her hand over the receiver and says, "Bill, I just found out who peed in your saxophone. -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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The Reverend Jesse's Apology THE REVEREND Jesse's APOLOGY Jesse's Press Statement: The Rough Draft This is no time for evasions, denials or alibis, The rainbow ended between her thighs. I fully accept responsibility and will pay restitution For using donor money to finance prostitution. I am truly sorry for the way I acted, But more so for not using a prophylactic. Please allow me to express heartfelt contrition For my unwanted commission of an elicit emission, As I employed the missionary position. Please forgive my misdirection, For I was thinking with my erection And did not use any protection. And in retrospection, Gave that girl a nine month infection With my hot beef injection. Finally, I ask you to believe When I hit that booty I did not perceive The crap would hit the fan and that ho would conceive. Had I known that she was in a state of ovulation, I would not have participated in copulation, But rather would have settled for oral stimulation. Now please accept my apology, AND SEND THAT CHECK TO THE COALITION .. ASAP! Sincerely, Reverend Jesse -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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The Snake And The Bunny The Snake and the Bunny Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. As a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down, also knocking the snake about quite a bit. "Oh, my," said the bunny. "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. You see, I've been blind since birth, so I can't see where I'm going, and, in fact, since I'm also an orphan, don't even know what I am." "Quite okay," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours, as I am also blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could kinda slither over you, and figure out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you." "Oh, that would be wonderful," said the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur, and you have really long ears, and your nose twitches, and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny." "Oh, thank you! Thank you!" cried the bunny in obvious excitement. "Maybe I could feel you with my paw, and help you the same way you've helped me." So the bunny felt the snake all over, and said, "Well, you're scaly and slimy, you have a forked tongue, no backbone, and no balls. I'd say you must be either a politician or an attorney." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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