3354 Bar Jokes In Our Database
152 Blonde Jokes
This is page 8 of 16 pages displaying a total of 152 Blonde jokes.
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The Pregnant Blonde The Pregnant Blonde The Pregnant Blonde My wife, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway, the other day, just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck and I starting jumping up and down along with her. When she said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!", I said, "Great. Tell me what you're so happy about." She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told me that she was pregnant! I was ecstatic! We had been trying for a while, so I grabbed her and kissed her on the lips and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!" Then, she said "Oh, honey. There's more." I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?" She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!" Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the twin-pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive!" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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The Snowstorm The Snowstorm It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her daddy's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in the snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it. As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions. After quite some time had passed she was somewhat surprised when the snow plow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window. The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following him for a long time. She said that she was fine and told him of her daddy's advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard. The driver replied that it was OK with him and she could continue if she wanted but he was done with the Walmart parking lot and was going over to K-Mart next. -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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There Were 11 People Hanging Onto A Rope From A Plane There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette. The rope started to shred above their heads and they all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette said, "I'll get off." After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get off to save the lives of the others-the needs of the one etc, all of the blondes started clapping.......... -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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This Blonde Decides One Day That She Is Sick And Tired Of All These Blonde Jokes This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms In the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket and a fur coat on. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS. -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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This Blonde Heard That Milk Baths Would Make You Beautiful This blonde heard that milk baths would make you beautiful. So she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. Whe the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I’m going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath." The milkman asked, "Pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No. Just up to my tits." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Three Blondes In A Class At Clemson Three blondes in a class at Clemson were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures-the whole thing is just a mess. An engineer from Clemson comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the blondes and walks away. After the engineer has gone, one blonde turns to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like an engineer, we're looking for the height and he gives us the length. -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Three Women Are About To Be Executed Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, "Ready!...Aim!! ..." Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!" Everyone is startled and looks around while she escapes. The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no and the executioner shouts, "Ready! ... Aim!!..." Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!" Everyone is startled and looks around while she escapes. By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready! ... Aim!! ..." ...and the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Top 10 Blonde Inventions TOP 10 BLONDE INVENTIONS 1. Water-proof towel 2. Solar powered flashlight 3. Submarine screen door 4. A book on how to read 5. Inflatable dart board 6. A dictionary index 7. Ejector seat on a helicopter 8. Powdered water 9. Pedal-powered wheel chair 10. Water-proof tea bag -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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True Story, If She Had Killed Herself She’d Be A Shoe-in For The Darwin Award This is a True Story, if she had killed herself she’d be a shoe-in for the Darwin Award Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, a woman, who happened to be blonde, and new to boating was having a problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t get her brand new 22-ft Bayliner to perform. It wouldn’t get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order. The engine was fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer. -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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Two Blonde Men "Two Blonde Men" Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, "I've got to take a shit." The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and shit." The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my ass." The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?" The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea-- I'll use that!" He left and came back with shit all over his hands and clothes. His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened to you?" The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?" -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
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