3261 Bar Jokes In Our Database
109 Bar Jokes
This is page 8 of 11 pages displaying a total of 109 Bar jokes.
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Free Motor Home A blonde goes to a restaurant, buys a coffee a sits down to drinking it. She looks on the side of her cup and finds a peal off prize. She pull off the tab and yells, "I WON! I WON! I WON a motor home; I WON a motor home!" The waitress runs over and says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize given away was a mini van!" The blonde replies, "No. I WON A motor home, I WON a motor home!" By this time the manager makes his way over to the table and says, "You couldn't possibly have won a motor homes because we didn't have that as a prize!" Again the blonde says, "No, no mistake, I WON a motor home, I WON a motor home!" The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads, "WIN A BAGEL." -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Flying With A Blonde Fifteen minutes into the flight from New York to Phoenix, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry . . .we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another hour. But don't worry... we still have one engine left." Sherry, a young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and sighed, ......."If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!" -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Horses For Blondes A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail and our blonde friend was stuck again. The neighbor suggested she notch the ear of one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart. The neighbor suggested she measure the horses for height. When she did, she was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black one. -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Landscaping For Blondes A woman wants the inside of her house painted and she calls a contractor in to help her. They wander around the house, and she points out the colors she wants. She says, "Now, in the livingroom, I'd like to have a neutral beige, very soft and warm." The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out and yells, "Green sideup!" The woman is most perplexed but she lets it slide. They wander into the next room. She says, "In the dining room I'd like a light white, not stark, but very bright and airy." The contractor nods,pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window,leans out, and yells "Green side up"! The woman is even more perplexed but still lets it slide. They wander further into the next room. She says, "In the bedroom, I'd like blue. Restful, peaceful, cool blue." The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then once more he goes to the window, leans out and yells "Green sideup"! This is too much. The woman has to ask. So she says, "Everytime I tell you a color, you write it down, but then you yell out the window 'Green side up.' What on earth does that mean?" The contractor shakes his head and says, "I have four blondes laying sod across the street." -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Looking In The Mirror Legend has it that there is a coffee bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie ---*poof*------- one is instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again. Soooooo.... A redhead of questionable looks walks into the ladies room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." *Poof* the mirror swallows her up. Next a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says,"I think I'm the sexiest woman alive". *Poof* the mirror swallows her. Then, an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think...". ---*Poof*--- -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Blonde One Liners I met this girl, and I knew she was a true blonde because: * She sent me a fax with a stamp on it! * She thought a quarterback was a refund. * She tripped over the cordless phone. * She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind. * She told someone to meet her at the corner of WALK and DON'T WALK * She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. * At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here", she put Sagittarius * If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless. * When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved. * Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? It took her months to figure out she could use it at night. * What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? "Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!" * Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice? Because it said "concentrate" * Why can't blondes take coffee breaks? They're too hard to retrain. * What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle? A dope ring. * Why can't blondes be pharmacists? Because they can't fit the bottle in the typewriter. * What's the definition of eternity? 4 blondes at a 4-way stop. * What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the ocean? An air pocket. * What do you call a basement full of blondes? A whine cellar. * Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts? "This goes in front" Did you hear about the blonde who died drinking milk? The cow fell on her. -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Perfume Made Especially For A Blonde Two blonde girls walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it, "That's quite nice, don't you think, Tracy" "Yeah. What's it called Sharon?" "Viens a moi." "Viens a moi? What the does that mean?" At this stage the store clerk offers some help. "Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'come to me.'" Sharon takes anther sniff and offers her arm to Tracy again saying, "That doesn't smell like come to me. Does that smell like come to you?" -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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A Blonde And Her New Cell Phone A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun,"he says "how do you like your new phone?", she replies: "I just love, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though." "What's that, baby?" asks the husband. "How did you know I was at Wal-Mart? -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Porsches And Blondes Don't Mix A blonde woman is driving a Porsche. She sees another blonde woman with a Porsche that has broken down on the side of the road. She stops to ask what's wrong. The owner of the broken Porsche said, 'I just had a look under the hood, well, while I was driving somebody had stolen the engine.' The other said, 'Oh, don't worry, I have a spare one in the back of my Porsche. -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Selling Her Car A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car." "Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore." The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it." -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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