3261 Bar Jokes In Our Database
150 Blonde Jokes
This is page 9 of 15 pages displaying a total of 150 Blonde jokes.
<< PREVIOUS 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 | 10-15 NEXT >>
|
Two Tourists Were Driving Through Louisiana Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blond employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?" The blonde leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrr-Gerrrrr Kiiiingggg." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
|
Union Shop Union Shop A dedicated union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and, as you would expect, decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madame, " Is this a union house?", "No" she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't." "Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" "The house gets $80, and the girls get $20." Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madame responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house." The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" The Madame replied' " the girls get $80, and the house gets $20." " That's more like it!" the union man said. He looked around the room and pointed to a stunning attractive blonde. "I'd like her for the night." "I'm sure you would sir," said the Madame, then, gesturing to an obese seventy-five year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has seniority." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
|
Wanted For Attempted Murder WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while they went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid. And, yes, Linda is a blonde. -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
|
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire Who Wants to be a Millionaire A blonde named Barbara is appearing on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire... Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend. The next question will give you the first ever Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?" Barbara: "Sure I'll have a go" Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it........ A-Robin B-Sparrow C-Cuckoo D-Thrush. "Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars. Barbara: " I think I know who it........ but I'm not 100%....No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis just to be sure. Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone? Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Carol back home in Brooklyn." (ringing) Carol (also a blonde): "Hello..." Regis: "Hello Carol, its Regis Philbin here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to become a Millionaire. The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question. There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara." Barbara: "Carol, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it: A-Robin B-Sparrow C-Cuckoo D-Thrush Carol: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo. Barbara: "You think?" Carol: "I'm sure." Barbara: " Thanks Carol." (hangs up) Regis: "Well, do you want to stick to $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?" Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo Regis: "Is that your final answer?" Barbara: "It is." Regis: "Are you confident?" Barbara: "Yes fairly, Carol's a sound bet." Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo ...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS. Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara." (clapping) That night Barbara calls round to Carol and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Carol and asks "Tell me Carol, How in God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest? Carol: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock." -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
|
Why Blondes Shouldn't Have Horses WHY BLONDES SHOULDN'T HAVE HORSES The blonde pulled into her driveway very proud of her new investment. Two horses. She had only one problem. She could not tell the two of them apart. She approached her neighbor with this dilemma. He suggested that she cut one of the horses tails short. This worked wonderfully. Until the other horse got his tail caught in a chico bush and pulled it out. She again asked her neighbor if he had any ideas on how to tell her horses apart. The neighbor suggested notching one of the horses ears. This too worked great until the other horse caught his ear in a barb-wire fence and tore it. Finally the neighbor suggested that the blonde measure the horses to see if one was taller than the other. The blonde was very pleased to find that the black horse stood two inches taller than the white horse!! -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
|
Why God Loves Blondes Why God Loves Blondes A blond woman named Brandi finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial trouble. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto." Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Brandi again prays... God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lotto night comes and Brandi still has no luck. Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order." Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Brandi is confronted by the voice of God Himself... "Brandi, meet Me halfway on this. ...Buy a ticket. -- Keystone Cop (http://keystonecop.net) |
|
The Blonde Stewardess An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here, "she cried," one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says "Do Not Disturb"!! -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
|
Did You Hear About The Blonde That. . . Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight. Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope. Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the typewriter. Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2 to 4 years. Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out. Couldn't call 911 because there is no 11 on any phone button. When asked what the capital of California was; answered 'C.' What goes 'vroom-screech-vroom-screech-etc? A blonde at a flashing red light. Two blondes are trying to get into their car using a coat hanger when one says 'hurry, it's starting to rain and the top is down.' Burnt her nose bobbing for French-fries. You shouldn't let blondes take coffee breaks; it takes too long to retrain them. She baked a turkey for 3 1/2 days because the instructions said 1/2 hour per pound and she weighed 125. Can't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets. Hates M&M's because they are so hard to peel. Got hurt while raking leaves -- fell out of the tree. Changes the babies diaper only once a month because the label said 'good for up to 20 pounds'. After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms. -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
|
A Blonde And Her Boat - A True Story Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, a blonde (of course!!), new to boating was having problems. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22ft Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order. The engine ran, the out drive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath only to come up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. REMEMBER THIS IS TRUE. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer. -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
|
Blonde Wife After a big fight with his blonde wife, a man walks into his bedroom to find her sitting on the bed holding a gun to her own head. At the sight of this, the man begins laughing. "What are you laughing about?" she says, "You're next!" -- Poddys (http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes.htm) |
<< PREVIOUS 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 | 10-15 NEXT >>
