3354 Bar Jokes In Our Database
103 Cultural Jokes
This is page 9 of 11 pages displaying a total of 103 Cultural jokes.
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Russian Cow Mating A town in Poland had only one cow and it stopped giving milk. The townspeople did a little research and discovered they could get a cow from Moscow for 2000 rubles - or one from Minsk for only 1000 rubles. So, naturally, --- they got the cow from Minsk. It was a great cow: had a wonderful disposition, and gave lots of milk and lots of cream. Everybody loved it dearly. The people decided they would mate the cow and get more cows like it, and then they would never have to worry about their milk supply again. So they got a bull and led the cow and the bull into the pasture. When the bull came in from the right to mount the cow, the cow moved to the left. When the bull moved in to mount the cow from the left, the cow moved to the right. This went on all day. Finally, in desperation, the people decided to go ask the rabbi what to do. After all he was very wise. They told him the story. "Rabbi, we've tried all day to mate our cow. When the bull moves in from the right the cow moves left and when the bull moves in from the left the cow moves to the right. What do we do?" The Rabbi thought a moment and asked, "Did you buy this cow from Minsk?" "Rabbi!" they replied as one, "You are so wise! We never said we bought the cow from Minsk. How did you know that?" The Rabbi said, sadly, "My wife is from Minsk." -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Red Neck Quiz REDNECK SEX TEST 1. The clitoris is a type of flower. True or False 2. A pubic hair is a wild rabbit. True or False 3. Spread Eagle is an extinct bird. True or False 4. Vagina is a medical term used to describe a Heart Attack. True or False 5. A menstrual cycle has three wheels. True or False 6. A G-string is part of a fiddle. True or False 7. Semen is a term for sailors. True or False 8. Anus is a Latin term for yearly. True or False 9. Testicles are found on an Octopus. True or False 10. Asphalt describes rectal problems. True or False 11. KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati. True or False 12. Masturbate is used to catch large fish. True or False 13. Coitus is a musical instrument. True or False 14. Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke. True or False 15. An umbilical chord is part of a parachute. True or False 16. A condom is a large apartment complex. True or False 17. An orgasm is a person who accompanies a church choir. True or False 18. A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry. True or False 19. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle. True or False 20. An erection is when Japanese people vote. True or False 21. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East. True or False 22. Sodomy is a special land of fast growing grass. True or False 23. Pornography is the business of making records. True or False 24. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin. True or False 25. Douche is the French word for "twelve". True or False -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Ship Wreck (differences In Behavior) What would happen if two men and a woman are marooned on an island? If they are: -=-=-=-=-=-= Spanish: One of the men will kill the other. Italian: The woman will kill one of the men. British: The men will fall for one another and ignore the woman. Australian: The two men get drunk, then fall for one another. New Zealander: The two men will go off together, and search for a sheep. French: No problem: menage a trois. Scandinavian: The two men will drink themselves to death, ignoring the woman. German or Swiss: Nothing will happen, the men will talk about the latest improvements in performance autos. Canadian: They'll work out a schedule for sharing on alternate day; if one is from the Maritimes, he gets extra days. American: One of the men will be a computer nerd, so he won't care what the other two do. South American: One of the men will make the other disappear just so the two remaining are rescued by the Spanish secret service and brought to trial in Madrid. Arab: The two men will drift into two different Moslem sects, declare a Jihad, and kill each other, never having looked at the veiled woman. -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Scottish Pub Complaint A tourist goes to Scotland on vacation. He decides to spend one afternoon in an old Scottish pub. He has a seat and looks around. He notices an old, haggard man sitting a few stools down from him. 'Looks like a regular,' that tourist thinks to himself. 'I think I'll have what he's having, a nice pint of Guiness.' So the tourist orders a Guiness. A few minutes later, the old man looks up from his glass and says rather loudly, in a thick Scottish accent, 'You see this bar here? I built this me-self. I drafted it in me own basement, and did all the woodwork me-self. Took me three and a half weeks, but do they call me 'Arthur McDougal: Barbuilder?' No.' The tourist stares at the man in bewilderment. Several minutes later, the old man looks up again. 'You see that fence out there? I built that me- self. Dragged every stone there. None of 'em is less than 150 pounds, and I dragged each one no less than three-quarters of a mile. But do they call me 'Arthur McDougal:Fencebuilder?' No.' The tourist is really worried about this man's mental health by this time. Once again Arthur looks up.'You see that bridge out there? I did that me-self. I drafted it in me own basement and was on the construction site every day. I even chose the building materials, but do they call me 'Arthur McDougal: Bridgebuilder?' No. But you screw just one sheep...' -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Smuggling Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?" "Sand," answered Juan. The guard says, "We'll just see about that ~ get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border. A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?" "Sand," says Juan. The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico. "Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about..... I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?" Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles." -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Sneezing At Hitler Adolf Hitler was conducting a General Staff meeting, when somebody sneezed. "Who vas zat!?" shouted Hitler, whirling around from a wall map of Europe. Nobody said anything. "I see," he said, "I vill haff 10 of you shot. Und maybe zen you vill tell me who schneezed, ja?" A Gestapo agent took 10 people out of the room. Shots were heard, then silence. "I vill ask again," yelled Hitler, "who schneezed?" Again, nobody said anything. "Very vell," he said, "I vill haff anosser 10 of you shot!" The Gestapo agent escorted 10 more people out of the room and executed them. "For ze very last time," screamed Hitler, "who schneezed?" Finally the guilty officer could stand no more. He stood up and said, "It vas me, my Führer. I am ze vun who schneezed." Hitler slowly approached the shaking officer and said, "Gesundheit." -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Southern Translations LaughNet at http://www.laughnet.net ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Things you wouldn't hear a southerner say: We don't keep firearms in this house. Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer? You can't feed that to the dog. I thought Graceland was tacky. No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe. Wreslin's fake. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace? We're vegetarians. Do you think my hair is too big? I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy. Honey, these bonsai trees need watering? Who's Richard Petty? Give me the small bag of pork rinds. Deer heads detract from the decor. Spitting is such a nasty habit. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today. Trim the fat off that steak. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso. The tires on that truck are too big. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad. I've got it all on a floppy disk. Unsweetened tea tastes better. Would you like your fish poached or broiled? My fiancee, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams. Checkmate. She's too old to be wearing that bikini. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts? Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen. I don't have a favorite college team. I believe you cooked those green beans too long. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla. Elvis who? Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side. -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Supplies _______________________________________________________________ An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "Your're in charge of sweeping," to the Irishman, "You're in charge of shoveling, and to the Chinese guy, "And you're in charge of supplies. "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that pile." So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He says to the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replies, "I didn't have a broom. You said the Chinese guy was in charge of supplies, but he disappeared and I couldn't find him." So then the foreman turn to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel. The Irishman replies, "I couldn't get myself a shovel. You left the Chinese guy in charge of supplies, but I couldn't find him." The foreman is really ticked off now, and storms off toward the pile of sand looking for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from a closet and yells: "SUPPLIES!" -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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Swedish Newlyweds Lena and Sven got married in St. Paul. They planned to honeymoon in Lena's aunt's cabin in Duluth. They caught a bus that was filled with deer hunters. About 30 minutes out of St. Paul the bus broke down right next to a nice hotel. Sven said to Lena, "Lena, there's a comfortable hotel right here. How about consummating our marriage?" Lena replied, "No. I vant to wait till ve get to Duluth." The repaired bus took off. Fifty miles down the road, it broke down again. This time it was next to a good looking motel. Sven turned to Lena and asked, "Look Lena. There's a nice motel. Can ve consummate our marriage?" Lena said, "No. I vant to wait till ve get to Duluth." The bus was repaired and off they went. Ten miles down the road, the bus broke down. This time they were our in the woods. However, there was a little clearing out of the sight of the bus. Lena turned to Sven, "I tink ve should go back into the voods and do it." Later when they returned the bus, Sven asked Lena, "Earlier ve vere next to a nice hotel and you said 'No'. Then, ve vere by a motel and you said 'No'. But, here ve vent out into the grassy voods and did it. Why?" Lena said, "I vas listening to the hunters. They said if the bus broke down again, the fucking season vould be over." -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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The Taco Bell Chihuahua The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a doggie bar having a drink when a good-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can be my friend." So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie says, "That's not good enough." The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative." Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine." -- The Jokemeister's free jokes (http://www.markfunk.com) |
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